Insomnia

Last night I had some trouble sleeping, and made some fun discoveries on the internet. (Sigh... I'm so happy I was born this century. The internet is such a wonderful way to waste time!)

The Standardized Should I Stalk William Shatner Test
http://www.apeculture.com/games/shatner.htm

Discovery Kids Crossword Puzzle Generator
http://puzzlemaker.school.discovery.com/

So You've Hired a Hippie
http://rumandmonkey.com/articles/305/

AMPM Coffee... You'd better visit this one for yourself...
http://ampm.com/coffee/decisions.php

It Never Turns Out The Way You Expect

I always have the ridiculous fantasy of Christmas being "just like the ones I used to know". The smell of baking cookies... snow softly falling... wrapping those last few presents... the family all together and cheerful... My Christmas has never turned out that way, and yet I still expect it every year. Has anyone's Christmas EVER been that way? I don't think so. I'm always hoping- no, honestly believing- I will have a Martha Stewart Christmas ...and I always get a "National Lampoon Christmas Vacation".

This year brought a jaunt with a tow-truck and a rum bottle. Ok, and a few real Christmas miracles. (I lost track of a few debit-card purchases & knew my account was low... when I deposited my checks today, I was only 20 cents away from an overdraft! If that isn't a miracle, I don't know what is!)

Cheers to the holidays.

One More Sleep Til...Alpena?

You're not going to believe it... but this is post #2 today! (I'm on a roll!) Well, for one thing, I don't have anything to do anymore. I finished reading the Bible the other day. It took so long, I'm not sure what to do with all this free time. ...Now to all of those rolling around on the floor laughing (you know who you are!), yes, I did start reading it because I felt like a schmuck. I've read so many other scriptures from other religions that I felt like a hypocrite for not reading my own. I started out of a sense of duty, but somewhere along the way I found some things I was looking for. I'm all enlightened and filled with Zen and Christmas spirit.

Almost as exciting- today I discovered that Quizno's has new breadbowls! Oh, they're heavenly. Karen did not share my enthusiasm. But she'll come around. ;)

Finally, tomorrow is my last day at work before the holiday.
Friday I see my Jme and get the grand tour of Alpena.
Saturday I sit around drinking wine and scarfing down Christmas cookies while watching "A Bing Crosby Christmas Special".
Sunday I open my presents and drive to Ohio to see the grandparents, aunts, uncles,etc.
Monday I wonder why in the hell I drove to Ohio to see the grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. and drive back. Then on Tuesday it's back to work. Doesn't sound very relaxing, does it? Hmmm. I wish I could go back to being 8.
My schedule then was:
Thursday, sledding and hot chocolate. Brother tells me that if I drink hot chocolate right after coming inside, my teeth will crack.
Friday, sledding and no hot chocolate.
Saturday, sledding and hot chocolate while watching "Rudolph" (after Mom convinces me that brother was kidding.)
Sunday, presents- Barbies and Pound Purries if I'm lucky, drive to Ohio to see family.
Monday, wonder why I left my Barbies and Pound Purries to get cruddy presents from extended family.

Gotta love the holidays.

21 Things I Want In A Lover

On exactly the same day, two people insisted that I write this list down. The first was Jme, as a blog-challenge, and lord knows I can't say no to her. The second was my mom, who firmly believes that I'm going to be an "old maid" with forty cats and when I die, I'll be discovered by the mailman when he notices the smell...

Fine, fine. I can take a hint. So, in the spirit of Alanis, "these are 21 things that I want in a lover, not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer"

1. Are you brave enough to look like a fool?
2. Can you laugh at yourself?
3. Do you agree that happiness is worth more than money?
4. Do you dream big?
5. Are you quirky? Will you make me feel normal?
6. Did you refuse to "grow up"?
7. Do you like kids?
8. Will you have wrapping paper-tube swordfights?
9. Do you find that you have the most thought-provoking conversations at 3:00am?
10. Can you tell me what I'm thinking before I say it?
11. Do you believe in leaping before you look?
12. Are you a man of faith?
13. Do you believe that family should come first?
14. Do you think you can handle mine?
15. Can you see beauty in everyday things?
16. Will you keep the romance alive?
17. Can you be mainstream and still maintain traditional values?
18. Will you pretend to be interested in my pointless/boring stories?
19. Will you make me laugh like no one else?
20. I have a very stupid cat. Can you treat her with civility?
21. I'm dancing to "The Chicken Dance" (and possibly even the "Macarena") at my wedding. Will you be joining me on the dance floor?

Aleisha's Top Ten

I never know what to write in this thing. I tend to feel like if I don't have something profound to say (or at least "mildly amusing"), I shouldn't write an entry. Are any of the other blogs here profound or amusing? Not so much. So in honor of not having anything decent to say:

Topics That Didn't Quite Cut It

• It's time to buy a new desktop daily calendar. For the last 3 years, I've had the 3 LOTR movie calendars, but now that they're all done, I don't know what kind to buy...
• I've had very weird dreams all week long, each one centered on finding an ancient sacred book...
• Why is it that no matter how much I buy or how often I shop, there always seems to be one more gift that I still need before Christmas...
• I need a haircut. Bad.
• I spent the last three days retouching over two hundred portraits of couples from a company Christmas party. Every stinkin' woman had glitter spray in her hair, which looks like dandruff in the pictures...
• I really don't like Dean Cain. He gives me the creeps.
• What is it about being 13 years old that makes a person inherently annoying beyond all reason? Why do they travel in packs?
• My county has switched from using sand on the snowy roads to using salt. Wow. It really makes a huge difference.
• I'm really pissed about the postage increase. I hate that I have to pay to send my bills. Now I have to pay more.
• Tropicana Twister Twisted Black Cherry Lemonade is about the coolest thing I've ever found in a gas station. Mmmm. You gotta try it.

Once There Were Four Children...

Well, I went to see "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" tonight. Let me start by saying that I really did enjoy it. It was a good movie. Very magical. It had a good pace, cute kids playing the Pevensies, and some fun cameo voice appearances. The opening scene is particularly well-done and surprisingly heart-wrenching. The stage is set even more effectively than in the book.

But... I went in the theater with very high expectations. My complaints are pretty silly, actually.

For one thing, the computer-animation wasn't always as good as I expected it to be. It was too obvious- I was too conscious of it while watching- like a splinter. Coming from the same people who created Gollum of the LOTR franchise, I had hoped to see a more realistic-looking lion. The wolves looked great... why did Aslan look like Mufasa? Which brings me to my second complaint (which really isn't a complaint at all!). Every time Aslan opened his mouth, I was genuinely surprised and moderately disappointed to hear Liam Neeson (who is super!) instead of James Earl Jones. No one can do talking lions like Darth Vader.

Ha, I shouldn't be whining at all. When I was a kid, I loved the made-for-tv version that aired on PBS - I still have it on video. At least there are no people in giant beaver costumes this time around.

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas...

It's only December 10, and I'm already on Christmas movie overload. I suppose that is to be expected with a three year old in the family, but seriously, if I see The Grinch one more time....

Anyway, I was sick of the usual Christmas specials, but still wanted to see something "Christmasy"... so I went back to the classics and rented "Holiday Inn". Ugh. I'm so in love with Bing Crosby it's just plain sickening. Awwh, I love it when he goes and finds Linda in Hollywood and they sing together... They don't make 'em like that anymore, that's for sure.

I followed up with "Going My Way" after that and "Shop Around the Corner" (I really hate "It's A Wonderful Life", but thought I'd give Jimmy Stewart another try... no such luck.) When it comes down to it, this generation can keep Mr. Brad Pitt (schmuck... Oops?! Did I say that out loud?) I'd rather dance with Fred Astaire, be romanced by Cary Grant, and of course, be serenaded by my Bing than waste precious hours of my life on something as ridiculous as "Mr. and Mrs. Smith".

Bathing Beauty

Waaaay back in college, in place of a regular textbook, I was required to subscribe to a very prestigious (and expensive!) graphic design magazine called "Graphis". Even with my student discount, it was $90-some dollars for six issues. Now at some point, this magazine sold my name to lots of companies who sell expensive graphic design-related products. I'm always getting something from Pantone, or an invitation to a seminar in NYC, that kind of thing.

Anyway, today I found a BIG ol' package in my mail. I opened it right up (a little worried that I had accidentally ordered something online) and it turns out to be paper samples. It was all part of a very expensive ad campaign. Then I noticed some bright flowers in the bottom of the package. I thought to myself, "Cool, a lei!", reached in and pulled out.... a bathing cap?

I don't "get it", but I'm having SO much fun with this thing! In fact, I've been enjoying it so much, that I modeled it for everybody. (Somehow, I look a little like a drag queen in it, don't I?)










Call it "performance art". Trust me, you'll be seeing a lot more of me in my bathing cap!!!! HA!

Grown-Up Christmas List

I'm feeling very ...spirited today. It's lightly snowing outside, just enough to be pretty instead of annoying. (Dusting my car off after work is one thing and digging it out is another!) Jewel is serenading me in the background (it's currently "Ave Maria"). I'm in the middle of our first and only lull of the day (today is the first day of our Children's Christmas Special). Ahhh, for a few minutes, life is quiet and good.

It is the time of year to count our blessings and to share them with those who are less fortunate. The need is great, and our response to it should be equally great. I know that a lot of charities will be asking for help this time of year, and that the extra money we have will only go so far. So, in the spirit of giving (for those of us on a tight budget!) I'd like to encourage everyone to join a campaign that is looking for voices, not money. It is the ONE campaign (http://www.one.org/). There you can "sign" the ONE big noise letter, encouraging President Bush to fight for AIDS relief and fair trade agreements at the upcoming G8 Summit in Hong Kong. This campaign is cross-political- it's really about helping people, not furthering any agenda. Please visit their website to learn more.