I Promised...

So here it is!

This is for you, Jme-boo!

Jme chastised me yesterday for not updating more often. Yes, I realize that I haven't posted anything in about a month. In response to that, here is a beast of an entry!

(In my own defense, I have had a busy month.)

ANYWAY... Christmas was a nice break from the usual insanity of life. Santa was extra good to me this year, probably because I sat on his lap for the first time in a decade or two. (That requires a little explaining doesn't it?) I took my niece to a "breakfast with Santa" at Shanty Creek on the 23rd, and she was too scared to sit on Santa's lap by herself. Long story short, I ended up on Santa's lap while she sat on mine. That was a little ...creepy! I'm supposed to get a picture in the mail- I will post it if I don't look too ridiculous.

Karen and the radio gods were awfully good to me too- in addition to the Goo Goo Dolls' latest album, she gave me one of the two GGD concert tickets that she won on a radio contest. We were pretty excited about the tickets- they're in row B. After about an hour of fantasizing about second-row seats, we realized that they were in the BALCONY'S second row. :( I'm still in mourning over that.

Alright, there's no point in fighting my urge to turn this entry into a serious reflection on life, so here goes nothing. (Watch out!)

I wanted to send Christmas cards this year. I wrote my usual "year in review" letter to all of my friends, but I couldn't bring myself to send them. There wasn't much of anything good to say. It's no secret that the last year has been difficult. I never imagined that so much drama and hurt could fit into twelve short months, but I wasn't upset by all of the bad things that happened. I was more concerned with the virtual lack of good.

I started off pretty well. I told about how my car's engine exploded, how it was beyond repair, and how I bought a beautiful new car. I dedicated a whole paragraph to its specs. That was the end of the good stuff. The paragraph ended with "and two weeks after I bought the car, the windshield randomly cracked lengthwise. The dealership wouldn't replace it, even though the chipped glass was pre-existing."

Then I jumped ahead a few months, because I'm trying to delete Spring of 06' from my memory. Everyone has their moment of desperation. I took a look at my life and my cat, fast-forwarded a few years and lost my head. The next time I imagine myself a spinster and freak out, I will calmly weather the storm alone instead of dragging the first person to cross my path into it. I genuinely, wholeheartedly apologize to the entire city of Chicago.

Naturally, the next paragraph of my letter was about my former job. I tried to be as cool about it as possible- I didn't want my friends feeling sorry for me- but I wanted to let them know why I've been distant the last year. The toned down version goes something like: First I was harassed, then forced out of my position under the pretense of a layoff, then accused of fraud for taking the layoff at face value and applying for unemployment benefits, then accused of fraud a second time (because I proved my first case), finally, I was served with a court hearing for Christmas because unemployment fraud cases must go before a judge after two failed appeals. Oh, and I've applied to over 70 jobs and can't land one because every time I get an interview, my prospective employer calls my former boss and gets an earful of lies. All of this happened, and I'm not even sure of the cause. So much crap was going on there... am I desperate and destitute because I refused to wear a skirt to a job that required me to crawl under desks and climb ladders?

I finished that paragraph with "luckily, the UIA is providing a free lawyer for me".

The only other big happening in my year was the painful decline and death of my grandfather. I decided to skip that.

I read my letter over, and it was a real downer, so I took all the bad parts out. That left me with:

Dear Friends,

Merry Christmas! I can't believe how quickly this year has flown by!

This spring, I bought a beautiful black 04' Grand Prix GT. I'm madly in love with its heated leather seats and moon-roof.

Luckily, the UIA is providing a free lawyer for me.

I love and miss you all!
Aleisha

Needless to say... I decided to skip out on letters this year, so sorry everyone. (Jme, you're in charge of spreading the message since no one else will see this ;))

Here's to letting go, recovery, and new beginnings!

Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!

Ok, making a real effort to update this more often and have more fun with it... that must mean it's time for a photoblog!

It's supposed to snow today. It's supposed to snow a lot, in fact. But it hasn't yet. Can I admit that I'm slightly excited? I kind of like Christmas snow... Anyway, here are some of my pictures from some accumulation we had a few weeks ago. Pretty, pretty, pretty!

Holi-daze

Thanksgiving was good. For the first time in my life, all of my family came here instead of me visiting them in Ohio. Avoiding the holiday traffic was nice, cleaning the house for two weeks before sucked.

And then, as soon as everyone left, I suddenly, violently got sick. (No, not barfing-sick) Collapsing in the middle of Kohl's sick. Mom catching me as I started to pass out from a high fever sick. Sleeping for twenty-four hours straight sick. And now, just as suddenly, (beyond the fact that I have "lost" a few days) I appear to be mostly better. Wierd.

Ha. So the best part of being sick were all the crazy fever-induced dreams I had during my marathon snoozing. In the very last dream, I was working at a publishing house that was hosting a party to announce a new series of "encyclopedias" written by celebrities. It was my job to introduce David Duchovney and his volume, titled "Let's Get it On". He he he... I'm still laughing about that one.

I'm having a hard time accepting that the Christmas season is actually upon us. It seems like I've been preparing for it for so long, that it can't possibly be time to wrap all those presents and decorate a tree. I started wrapping today, and I felt like I was getting way ahead of myself. The forcasted snow for this Thursday and Friday will probably change how I feel. Giant globs of snow in December tend to change my feelings on the urgency of Christmas.

So...

I've been worse than usual about posting blogs. What am I at right now? About one a month? Part of my absence is due to laziness and a lack of interesting things to say. Most of the silence is because I am actually writing a book.

Yeah... I know. Crazy.

I finally have enough done that I don't mind telling people. I may actually finish it?

I can't say too much, because it isn't quite done yet (well, and I don't want to give my idea away!), but I hope to finish by Christmas and start sending inquiries early next year. I know that my chances are slim, but here's to hoping.

What am I saying? Oprah's gonna love it.

I'll keep you all posted! (And if by some miracle of God I actually get published, all the nice people who are supportive now will get free advance copies!)

She said "It's cold outside, it must be October!"

Since I haven't updated this thing in almost a month, it's probably time to write a long overdue posting.

(This has nothing to do with the rest of my entry, but I'd like to say right now that I'm very upset about the weather. Snow, snow, snow coming and going all freakin' month long. IT'S OCTOBER! Global warming, my ass.)

Part of my silence is due to the craziness in my life. Things may be changing very drastically for me in the next few weeks. The possibility has arisen for a new job, new apartment, new town... Right now I'm waiting, ready to jump into action if this possibility works out, or to step back and regroup if it doesn't.

Ha... who am I kidding? Losing is SOOOO not an option. I hate losing. (This is the place where I growl my best Elle Woods' "ME!") I've morphed into survival-mode Aleisha. Jamie will have to relinquish the title of "resident Becky Sharp" for the next few weeks!

Anyway, I'm mostly excited about the chance a change of scenery will give me to make videos starring anyone besides myself. I haven't made any in a little while... which I need to do if I want to maintain interest. I'm really loving my little cult following. I also love the fact that a real, grown-up job will let me buy a good camera!

So wish me luck! The prospect of not being destitute is very appealing right now. I'm done with my hippie self-discovery phase, and I'm ready to go out into the world, kicking ass in a new power suit. (Every few seconds, I think of another wonderful thing I may be able to afford again... I have been denying myself so many things for the past year... It's like, "Oh my god...I could get a manicure! Oh my god... I could get B&BW new fall line!")

So, we'll see. I'll keep you all updated.

(This picture was taken about a week ago, at the peak of our accumulation...)

Two Readings and a Funeral

Well, I fell off the radar about eight days ago (not that anyone would notice, as infrequently as I update this blog...)due to a death in my family. Anyway, I finally got home tonight, and I'm pretty well exhausted. I'd rather not go into any real detail out of respect, but let me assure you all that the events of the last week were prime HBO mini-series material. I was almost killed several times in roller coaster car rides, I broke into a house, my mother and I had to leave the wake for emergency major appliance shopping, I inadvertently made the funeral oh-so melodramatic (oh, it was SUCH a Hollywood moment!), my cousin announced that he and his wife are pregnant with twins at the post-funeral dinner, I was invited to go street racing and regrettably didn't, and I had several EXTREMELY coincidental (and creepy!) encounters at random restaurants. And so, so much more. I can't write down all of the insanity of last week- there aren't words.

Anyway, Karen capped my trip appropriately by treating me to an astrological reading as a belated birthday present. I must say that I was very impressed. We both had a reading done, and I was expecting them to be similar and vague. That was not the case at all. I'm normally quite the skeptic, but I'm a little convinced- the details about my past were eerily correct. The good news is that according to my chart, I'm supposed to meet a handsome, strong-willed (doctor?) around Valentine's Day next year, marry him in 2008, and then become extremely successful in my career (when my work gets noticed) in about five years. And oh yeah, by the way, and I'm going to be a millionaire. ...So according to some calculations, I'm going to marry my own personal Jack Shepherd AND I get to be a millionaire? Yeah, I'm suddenly more inclined to believe! :)

And now I'm going to sleep for three full days.

Cleanin' Out My Closet

I've decided to follow Jamie's lead and start cleaning unnecessary things out of my life. While in most cases, that is a healthy and reasonable thing to do, for me it means stopping just shy of taking a scalpel to my brain and cutting out certain chunks of memory. I need to learn to be ok with making mistakes and moving on, but folks, it ain't gonna happen anytime soon.

Yes, I have a complex. Yes, I am completely, insanely obsessed with being perfect all the time. And I don't care. I like perfection, even if perfection means having a shiny, white exterior and rotten slop underneath. As long as no one sees it, is it really there?

Sometimes I'm a real idiot. My self-esteem is low enough already without looking back and groaning at my own stupidity.

Then again, I'm discovering that some of the things I tried to throw away or bury nearly ten years ago are resurfacing... and I feel very differently about those things now. I'm finally letting myself look at old memories with the eyes of an adult, and it's just different. I can step into the other person's shoes. I can see where some of the heartache was my own fault. I've learned to forgive and accept.

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

Edit!

I realized today that I need to make a small change to one of my answers in the Jme interview. Question #10- I said that Bono and I would write song about snow while living in our igloo. Do I know Bono at all??? We would write songs about the oppression of the Inuit people, not songs about snow!

10 Questions By Jamie

1. What do you think you were in a past life, if you in fact believe in past lives at all?
I was going to answer this with a joke, but I guess I'll answer it seriously. While I don't believe in standard reincarnation, I do believe that the souls of those who have passed reach out to certain people more than others. Sometimes I feel like I understand certain events in history with a little too much clarity. I like to entertain the possibility that those who are long dead can still "touch" us with their memories.

2. When do you think the defining "Aleisha/Jamie" moment was?
For me, it's a toss up between stealing the boys couch and redecorating Mike's door with masking tape. Making the Jacko door gets an honorable mention.

3. Who is the least useful? Justin Timberlake, Paris Hilton, or Bob Barker?
Gotta be Paris Hilton. Justin is a prick, but he has talent and Bob convinced me to have my cat spayed.

4. Do you still dream about winning a Grammy in the shower with the V05 Bottle?
No...actually my new dream in the shower is to have the luxury of a bottle of V05.

5. Right now, you are given the chance - all expenses paid - to go live anywhere in the world and do anything you want for the rest of your life...Where do you go? What do you do?
I will go to Rome, where I meet a handsome Italian nobleman. I'll spend my days reading classic literature, buying watercolor paintings from street vendors, and hanging out at the Colosseum. I'll spend my evenings at dinner parties dripping with diamonds, wearing designer gowns, and winning the crowd over with my wit and charm.

6. If you had to live in any Tim Burton movie, which would it be and why?
I would live in Spektre (Big Fish) before it is destroyed. I'd never have to wear shoes again, there are mermaids in the lake, and Steve Buscemi is the resident poet- what more can you ask for?

7. What is the breakfast of champions, as far as you're concerned?
Anything with a glass of Mountain Dew.

8. Is the trend of writers reinventing Austen and Bronte classics into tawdry quasi-porn the result of their being so engrossed with the novels, they want more, or the result of the readers of these novels being a bunch of lonely single women? Do married women read Austen after they're married or is it a single girl thing? Please explain.
Here's my theory: All of the original writers knew exactly what kind of man would make the "perfect catch" and immortalized him on paper. Let's face it, normal guys look pretty pathetic compared to the Darcys, Brandons, Rochesters, and Knightlys of the world. So now all these disillusioned married women with less than perfect catches of their own write steamy sequels based on what their "fantasy husband" would be like. Personally, I think they need to look into Viagra instead of writing trash based on my favorite novels. As far as normal people reading Austen after they're married- yeah, I don't see why not. I imagine that after I'm married, I'll look back at the kind of things that happen in those stories and smile... just the same way I can laugh at all the typical teenage escapades Harry Potter and co. find themselves in.

9. *Pretentious question alert* Which artist (in any genre, I'd be a fool if I narrowed it to 'painter' - 'writer' - whatever) has had the greatest influence on your personal art. Marilyn Manson is influenced by Dali...and Marc Jacobs loves some Rufus Wainwright....Who or what fuels your fire?
Hmm...I can't really narrow it down to one inspiration. Tim Burton inspires my stylization and my macabre sense of humor. Yariv Gabler/Charles Infante's work on the "Crash and Burn" music video appeals to my sense of color and concept. John Williams and Danny Elfman help me imagine. Bono encourages me to give my work a soul. Dickens reminds me to make sure that everything connects. Joss Whedon lets me revel in my geekiness. Chopin makes me grateful for the gift of creating without fear. But Jamie is my muse!

10. You have a choice.
A) Spend a year in an igloo with Bono.
B) Spend an hour on a desert island with Josh Holloway.
C) Spend a month in a cabin in the mountains with Darren Hayes.
What do you choose? Why? How would you spend your time?
That's a tough call. I would have picked Darren in a cabin, but I have a feeling his new husband would put a damper on our relationship. I'll happily take Bono and a parka. We will talk about Africa and God, and write songs about snow.

Life List

Boooyah! Very few people will think this is cool at all, but in typical rural-girl style, I think it's the coolest... today I learned how to drive a Bobcat All-Wheel Steer Loader!!! (It's like a mini-bulldozer.) I disturbed the men for a moment- they were busily making roads through the woods (most convenient for cross-country skiing!) for a quick lesson in excavation. I had a blast! Next thing you know, I'll be wearing tan work boots and a hardhat.

Anyway, the moral of the story (for those of you not interested in heavy machinery) is that I believe that trying new things is essential to living a full and interesting life. The concept of the "Life List" has become very popular lately. I've had one for a long time, so in honor of my new Bobcat skills, I thought I might share it.

Things To Do Before I Die:

- Go spelunking- not "tourist" spelunking, but the real deal.
- Design a piece of jewelry and have it made.
- See an opera in Sydney
- Write a book and have it published.
- Visit Rome and Greece.
- Be involved in a movie, somehow- as an extra or whatever.
- See a Broadway musical in NYC.
- Give a lecture.
- Ride a mechanical bull.
- Go skydiving, rip-cording, bungee jumping...
- Overcome my fear of snakes.
- Learn to play the guitar better.
- Organize and get funding for a humanitarian project.
- Climb a few pyramids/temples- Mayan, Aztec, and Egyptian.
- Go snorkeling on Molokai.
- Cover every inch of every Smithsonian museum.
- Go to a renaissance festival.
- Go to Comic-Con or other convention.
- Pet a tiger. (I've petted a lion before!)
- Eat one meal that costs at least half a week's wages.
- Go to Christmas Eve mass at St. Peter's.
- Take a cruise.
- Ride a camel.
- Learn how to fence.
- Play tennis at a country club. Laugh hysterically afterwards.
- Have a picture taken of self in tank, fighter jet, space shuttle or something equally funny.
- Have a "library" in my house- even if it's just a walk-in closet filled with books.
- Get front-row tickets to an arena concert.
- Read every "noted" classic.

That's what I have so far. I don't plan on keeping track of numbers- this will never be my "100 Things to Do Before I Die" or anything like that, and I plan on adding things to it for the rest of my life. I don't like the idea of having a finite laundry list that I check off as I go... for me, this is more of a list of values and a reminder to be adventurous in my own way. I plan on having lots of great stories to tell my grandchildren.

Rockstar: Supernova

Reality shows are one of my favorite vices. BUT, I should not be allowed to watch them, for I am cursed. If I like someone on a show, they will not win. That's just how it goes. For example, I've been watching Rockstar:Supernova this summer. Last night was the finale, and I wasn't worried about who won- I loved three out of the four finalists. I would have purchased a CD with anyone on it except of course...Lukas, who won. Ugh. His voice sounds a lot like a cat in heat being strangled to death. How the hell did he win against three people who actually have talent? It's beyond my ability or desire to comprehend.

Haunted

So... I was editing a video the other day- it's a music video for Darren Hayes' "Void" (you can see it in its finished form at youtube- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj1GZG09-4c) and I noticed something a little..strange.

This is a screen shot of the individual frames. (Keep in mind, I was home alone.) What the hell is that big black thing??? I keep telling myself it's a bug... but it doesn't look like a bug, does it? I must admit that I'm slightly creeped out. What's next? Aleisha the ghost whisperer? ...And all along, I just thought I was a paranoid schizophrenic.

I Want to Live Liiiiiiike Animals!

It has come to my attention that I have not been blogging enough lately. Hmm. I've just ...been ...so ...busy...

Who am I kidding?

Even though my summer "off" was not of my doing and happened despite all of best efforts to find a new job (60+ applications, people!) I'm beginning to see what a blessing in disguise it has been. I needed to get back in touch with myself. I needed to reevaluate my values and my goals. I only have one question left:

Why does spending a summer of seclusion and self-discovery turn an otherwise career-minded person into a flower-child???

It happened to Karen at Tanuga, and now it's happening to me...

I suddenly realized (somewhere between sun-drying the sweet pea seeds I collected and am selling at an upcoming flea market and climbing a tree to pick cherries) that in the last two months, I have completely forsaken "worldly" things and am wearing an uncommonly high number of peasant skirts. And I'm listening to a lot of Loreena McKennitt and Bob Dylan. Fine, I admit I've been listening to John Denver too. And I've been skipping through open fields in my bare feet, picking blackberries as I go. And I haven't worn a bit of make-up in a good month. And I'm happiest I've been in years.

For those of you who are worried about Desmond, don't. I still spend just as much time with him now as ever. Maybe more. I just spend what would normally be work time running around like a crazy lady.

I want to run through the jungle, the wind at my hair and the sand at my feet!!

Speaking of animals, I have to mention that Steve Irwin's death really effected me more than I would have thought. Did you ever have one of those obnoxiously huge boxes of Crayola crayons with all the crazy names and colors? I feel like I just lost the one called "mac n cheese". Why couldn't I have lost "green-yellow" or "yellow-green"? They weren't fun anyway. The creamy orange "mac n cheese" crayon made the best pictures. Steve was one of those "crazy crayons". He's gone, and my picture still needed more orange. (All of you crayon aficionados get my metaphor!)

Aleisha's Important List of Things Not to Do...

...is getting longer. I'm on a mission to puncture/destroy all of my fingertips by the end of the summer. Makes perfect sense since I'm trying to make a living using my hands (as an artist, you perverts!), right?

A few days ago I was working on some jewelry, stringing beads with a big, blunt needle. It got stuck, I pushed really hard... the needle slipped, impaling the nail of my right forefinger and then getting stuck about 1/8-1/4 of an inch (I wasn't exactly measuring it!) into my left forefinger tip. Yeah, don't do that. My hands were stuck together, so I had to pull my pierced nail through the rest of the needle and off the back before I could yank it out of my other finger. (Just so you know, as much as getting stabbed sucks, pulling whatever it is out of your body is a million times worse.) I'll be using thimbles from now on! Icky!!!

Amazingly, I missed all of my little veins and arteries. It didn't bleed at all. It hurt like hell and I nearly passed out (how often do you get two fingers pinned together!?) but there was virtually no blood.

I feel like the star of "Jackass: Home Edition".

It's a Mad World

For the most part, my life has really slowed down (with brief moments that are far more "interesting" than I'd care for). In the calm before the storm (i.e. when they drag me off to prison) I've been busily making videos. Normally I don't post them here, but I'm particularly proud of this one. It's the first video I've made using entirely my own clips. Check it out!



If you're in the mood, you can see the rest of my work here: http://youtube.com/profile?user=sheisha

A Few Things

One great thing about being unemployed is all the extra time you have to uncover all the great secrets of the universe. Or if you are of the hermit-hiding-out-in-a-cave persuasion (like me!), the great secrets of the internet.

My Latest, Greatest Discoveries:

1. Apply for a job at Google's Lunar Facility. You heard me. Google's going to build on the moon. It's still in the planning stages, but this is in fact 100% real. Be prepared, I'll bet the competition will be tough. (I'll bet Lance Bass was first in line to apply!) http://www.google.com/jobs/lunar_job.html
2. For those of you with Photoshop CS2- select Help->About Photoshop while pressing Ctrl (sorry, I don't know if there is a Mac equivalent) for a fun surprise!
3. Have you ever been puzzled over what kind of gift to give the ninja who has everything? Why 3 is a magic number? How they came up with the "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" script? Look no further. Ask a ninja! http://askaninja.com/
4. Aurgasm. I love just about everything posted. The contributors have flawless musical taste. Check it out, download your favorites! http://aurgasm.us/

Protect Yourself

I'm learning a lot about "at-will" firing a little late in the game. I had the crazy notion that as long as I performed well and gave no reason for disciplinary action, my job was safe. This was not the case.

Without a contract, a company can fire you for any reason without warning. There are laws preventing a company from firing based on race, age, sex, religion, marital status, or pregnancy (curiously, most states have NOT added sexual preference to the list yet), but what is to stop an employer from discriminating under the guise of "at-will"? If employers are not required to give any reason for firing non-contract labor, who is protecting those employees' rights?

About a year ago, 20 employees at a Michigan company with a no-smoking policy lost their jobs because a tobacco detection test revealed that they smoked cigarettes on their time off. I'm not a big fan of smoking, but I believe that an employee's off-time hobbies and habits (legal ones, at least) should not be just cause for termination. (Keep in mind that -along with California- Michigan has the strictest, most progressive labor laws in the nation.)

I had no idea that such practices were still allowed until I found myself the victim of a similar situation. Beware of small companies- the fewer levels of management, the easier it is to discriminate without reprisals. Larger companies also tend to have some sort of "good faith" policy in the handbook that will protect you in court. Most of all, protect yourself and ask for a contract. I know I will.

Weekend Update

Ughhhh. Fine, I'll at least pretend to make an effort. If I had anything to say about my life, I'd write about it. But I don't. So there.

The quick update:

Completely pathetically unemployed, drain on society, etc.

Writing a book. Have not made it past first chapter. No idea what it's about.

Spending excessive amount of time using the only talents I have- picking tiny bits of quartz out of my driveway with tweezers for giant mosaic table-top and untangling big ball of string.

Also spending much time marauding. Recently named captain by first mate, the dread pirate Rainbow Jane. Looking for fearsome pirate captain name and crew.

Moonlighting as a mermaid.

Joined the Mystic Order of the Toileteers.

That's about it. Until next time, goodbye, goodbye good friend, goodbye!

Ouchie!

Today I'd like share a quick bit of helpful advice: never pick up a dead yellowjacket.

It might not be dead. It might sting the tip of your finger. Your fingertips contain more nerve endings than any other part of your body and are virtually fat-free. (Those of you with tattoos know what I'm talking about!) If you find yourself in a situation where a child is freaking out about a dead bee, wasp, hornet, or yellowjacket and you feel the urge to give them a biology lesson...make sure it really is dead before you handle it. And whatever you do, do not under any circumstance say something like, "Don't worry, it's dead. It can't sting me. Here, I'll show you!" That's a traumatic situation waiting to happen. If you decide to completely disregard my advice, I highly recommend keeping a small bottle of prescription strength 800 mg ibuprofen in the house. You're going to need it.

Of course, I would never do something that stupid.

I'm going to keep this entry short and sweet. It's hard to type with only one hand. :)

Well, I Can't "Spoil" the Plot if There Isn't One...

Tonight I saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest. Now, before I say anything about it, permit me one small digression...

In my experience, part two of any trilogy is almost always the weakest link. It has no beginning and no end. You can't even judge part two fairly until you see how it relates to part three. It's the cinematic Jan Brady.

Two trilogies come to mind when I think of really bad middle movies: The Matrix and Star Wars Episodes I-III.

"The Matrix" was an amazing cinematic achievement. All of the right characters and effects came together in the right story to make pure movie magic. It blew me away. It blew everyone away. Then "The Matrix: Reloaded" came out. I tried not to set my expectations too high... but it wasn't even in the same ballpark as the original "Matrix". I had hoped that by some miracle, "The Matrix: Revolutions" would right all of the wrong in "Reloaded"... and it didn't. The magic was gone.

No movie in my lifetime has been as highly anticipated as "Star Wars Episode I". It was doomed to failure for that reason alone. For all that it lacked, Darth Maul was pretty cool, the lightsaber fights were pretty cool, and the die-hard fans were willing to put up with a lot in that first movie...I mean, hell, it's Star Wars! When Episode II came around, my expectations were slightly higher. I was hoping for a darker, more dramatic story more in line with "The Empire Strikes Back". Ugh. I can't even think about that movie without cringing. After that, I was honestly scared to see Episode III. I didn't want Lucas to mess up Darth Vader. BUT (miraculously) it didn't suck. In fact, Episode III was pretty damn good. Perhaps under different directing with a better script, it could have been "great". The moral of this story is even though part one was "ify" and part two was terrible, I walked away from that trilogy with a smile on my face.

Bringing me back to "Dead Man's Chest". I wanted to like it. I really, really wanted to like it. It was one of those terrible middle movies. Possibly one of the worst I have ever seen, purely because of poor storytelling. The acting and visual effects are spot-on. It's just missing a plot... character development... a purpose... AN ENDING! I drove home scratching my head. This may be the very first sequel I've ever seen where NOTHING was resolved in any way, shape or form. I like a good "cliffhanger" ending. This movie doesn't end, it simply stops.

Beyond the complete lack of a substantial story, there were so many little, obvious issues, I honestly can't see how part three can explain them all away. For instance, the monkey is still undead. Why is the monkey still undead? The curse was lifted- the first movie made it quite clear that EVERYONE'S blood was necessary to lift the curse (hence the importance of Will). Grrr... the monkey shouldn't be undead. :)

I really, really, really, really, really wanted this movie to be good. I didn't expect it to be as good as the original, but I still wanted it to have some of the same charm. If you go to see it, go to see Johnny and Orlando run around with swords while looking manly. It's a three hour preview for Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

With any luck, in that installment, we'll get swashbuckling over an erupting volcano instead of thousands of identical Jack Sparrows.

Affirmation

I believe in certain universal truths.
I believe that anything is possible.
I believe that every experience serves a purpose.
I believe that there is no such thing as a coincidence.
I believe that your first instinct is usually correct.
I believe in being prepared for anything.
I believe in the importance of "little things".
I believe that flying is the most incredible feeling in the world.
I believe that anything is better when you do it with a friend.
I believe that time is the best investment you can make.
I believe that Hallmark greetings are true.
I believe that everyone is shallow in some respect, whether they admit it or not.
I believe that we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl.
I believe that every good person has an equal and opposite dark side.
I believe that the truest friends are never the ones you expect.
I believe in the sanctity of a promise.
I believe in living graciously.
I believe in class.
I believe that if the Earth is ever in danger of an apocalyptic event, it will be saved by the scientist who calls their mommy in desperation and asks for advice. Mommies can fix anything.
I believe that the things beyond our control are not worth losing sleep over.
I believe that we over-analyze.
I believe that I still have a lot to learn.
I believe that self-respect is more important than self-control.
I believe that the products on infomercials work even though I know I shouldn't.
I believe that the media is too negative, sensationalistic, and weight-obsessed.
I believe in living by your own rules.
I believe in discipline.
I believe in the healing power of meditation.
I believe that reincarnation comes in the form of a collective cultural memory.
I believe in zen.
I believe that everyone should try pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.
I believe that the right song can make any situation seem better.
I believe that when God closes a door, he opens a window.
I believe in cliches.
I believe in fairy-tales.
I believe in happily-ever-afters.
I believe in myself.

(p.s. I believe that Darren Hayes is wiser than he realizes.)

Dance Me Into the Night

It's been a really weird day.

I spent most of it wrestling with a bitchy MP3 that is formatted incorrectly and doesn't want to play on itunes. Now, the logical thing for me to do would be to dig the CD out and rip it again... but honestly, I have no idea where it is. Anyway, in the process of messing around with it, I played bits of the song a few times. All of a sudden, my mom peeks her head in and asks what song it is that I've been singing. I say, "Um, I haven't been singing." She looks at me like I'm crazy and tells me that she knows her own daughter's voice. I play the "bitchy MP3" and she says "Wow... that's creepy".

Ha. Of course, I'm TOTALLY flattered because I was listening to Hayley Westenra's "Dark Waltz". (If you aren't familiar with her, she's a sort of female-Josh-Groban-type. If you want to hear that particular song, I made it my myspace profile song. I'm living vicariously through a pseudo-opera singer. My head is swelling. :))

Oh yeah, and while my mom was talking to my grandma on the phone today, she tells mom that she has to go because she's having a heart attack. We do a little lightning-packing, then get another phone call about a half an hour later saying that she's fine. I don't even know what to make of that.

So I took a shower, plopped on the couch and watched "Just Like Heaven". Cute. I bawled my eyes out because it was "just so beautiful". I swear to God, I am losing it. LOSING it. Maybe I already lost it. Maybe I never had it, and just now realized that it's gone. (It's a lot like that feeling you get when you suddenly realize that you've lost your purse. My phone! My keys! My driver's license! My checkbook! My credit cards! ...My sanity!)

And tomorrow is the first day of being unemployed. Ugh. I just want to sit alone in the dark with a blankie, a bad sci-fi flick (and I mean Kevin Sorbo-bad!), and a bottle of vodka.

Will You Still Be There When the Heartache Ends?

Rob Thomas is a living god. Just thought you should know.

Again, he commented on the fact that he calls everything in the greater metropolitan area "Detroit". I turned to my mom (a big ol' Jewel fan!) and said, "See? Rob Thomas gets it!". She stared at me blankly... Karen, you should have been there. You would have laughed. :)

So today may/may not be my last day working here. I don't know. I probably won't find out until 4:30 this afternoon when my boss rushes in to pay me, and I say, "Dude, what's going on next week?" and he says, "Next week?".

Someone needs to hire me right now. Boo.

Hmm. Concerts always seem to change my perspective. Why do the same lyrics smack me in the face and mean something entirely new when I hear them in person? I've heard all of those songs many, many times. When I hear them live, I perk up and say, "Wait a second, I AM looking for something to be!" or "Hey, I DON'T want to be lonely anymore!".

And then I drive home for three and a half hours... with nothing to look at but empty blackness and reflective yellow and white paint... and nothing to do but think. And think. And think.

I've emerged on the other side, feeling like there should be more than this. Wasn't I supposed to BE something? Wasn't I supposed to FIND something? Wasn't this all supposed to be leading up to something bigger?

I'm a fan of the "anti-climax" when it applies to other people and situations, but not my life. If this really is as good as it gets, I'm not impressed.

(About 10 people are saying, "Move to Chicago!" right now. Folks, when I say "this", it's an all-encompassing term. Chicago, New York, wherever, whatever, it's "this".)

Now comes the night, feel it fading away. And the soul underneath, is it all that remains? So just slide over here, leave your fear in the fray. Let us hold to each other 'til the end of our days...

Steady As She Goes

It seems like I start every entry with some version of "I really suck at updating this thing". I swear I won't do that this time.

Even though not much is going on in my life right now.

I'm in the middle changing jobs (translation: getting pushed out of one job and desperately looking for another), trying to figure out how I'm going to move, and having my yearly quarter-life crisis.

(I am not a loser. I am not a loser.)

Meanwhile, I updated my website. It doesn't entirely work... and it isn't exactly what I envisioned... but for the moment it is in a state of somewhat passable completion. (www.aleishaknight.com)

If you'd like to see a website that is actually cool, check out www.theraconteurs.com. If you have a shred of geekiness in your body, the irony of this website will entertain you more than you can possibly imagine. (Yes, they used Flash to recreate the MacII look. God bless the designer who came up with that idea.) And if you get bored, you can always pretend you're on the LOST island.

(I am not a loser. I am not a loser.)

Bathing suit season is here, and I'm not nearly as buff as I intended to be. Damn you, Chips Ahoy! How am I going to intimidate people in my sparkly black wife-beater without big biceps?

Speaking of my sparkly black wife-beater, I think I'm going to wear that with my new jean micro-mini to the concert tomorrow. Somewhere along the line, someone brainwashed me into thinking that "bar clothes" make appropriate concert attire. I don't know exactly whose fault that is, but I intend to place the blame on Justin Timberlake.

(I am not a loser. I am not a loser.)

I really suck at updating this thing.

Because I'm Lazy

I feel bad about not posting anything new... but I'm just so lazy...

so I'm doing a PHOTOBLOG!!! (yay!!)

These were all taken last Saturday. I was a little bored that afternoon.

My cat. She's about the least photogenic creature I've ever photographed.

An insect is better at this than my stupid cat.

As is the frog. (I took this one for you, Jme-boo!!)

Looking out on my driveway from my front porch.

That's "Kalkaska Sand"... the official state soil... believe it or not.

My backyard. Yes, I'm sprawled out on the ground.

My backyard. I stood up.

Awww... pretty flowers.

More pretty flowers.

:) Pretty car!

Heaven...I'm in Heaven!

Yesterday was the big "Friends of the Library" annual used book sale. It's my favorite day of the year, excluding Christmas. While I didn't find nearly as many titles that sparked my fancy this time, I still managed to come away with some decent additions to my library.

• The Dark Tower Collection
• For Whom the Bell Tolls
• The Three Musketeers
• The Scarlet Letter (in better condition than my well-loved copy)
• The Iliad (Hardback, to replace my paperback)
• The Pickwick Papers (A 1930 edition)
• World's Greatest Books (1942 anthology of popular 20th century fiction, illustrated- it's an AMAZING collection!!!)
• Angela's Ashes
• The Constant Gardener
• Bridget Jones' Diary- The Edge of Reason
• Handwriting Analysis
• Cannibal Killers (I was oddly intrigued...)
• You Are Psychic- Developing Your Natural Clairvoyance (He he he... I'm going to have FAR too much fun with this!!!!!!)

...All for $8! Go me. :)

Don't Underestimate the Power of the Dark Side

I'm a pretty calm, rational person for the most part. I let people get away with more than I should because I usually figure that an issue isn't worth my trouble. Normally, it isn't a big deal- everything always blows over and I de-stress by painting or whatever. Every now and then, too much anger builds up without a release and I turn into a very scary version of myself. Let's just say that if a were a drug lord, mob boss, or fascist dictator the heads would be rolling today.

I find myself happily imagining the scenes in Star Wars where Darth Vader uses the force to crush the throats of people who fail him... and picture myself doing the same thing to coworkers and clients.

I'm not a violent person, I just want to stomp around today pretending to be more intimidating than I actually am.

At this point, I will instead direct my aggression at Nelly's latest hit, "Grillz". It's stupid. And pointless. And I hate it. ...Sure, none of his songs have um... poignant lyrics, but this one particularly rubs me the wrong way. He started a rash of bad songs with female backup singers who are apparently brainless and oversexed. I wouldn't call myself a feminist, but when I hear a stupid girl breathlessly repeat everything Nelly raps (as though it's the naughtiest thing she's ever heard), it makes me hurt inside. "Let me see your Grillz!"

Ugh. I feel like every time that song plays, another teenage girl decides that she isn't a sufficient sex object and becomes anorexic.

Will You Love Me in the Morning

It's been one of those days. I'm sure that at some point before I fall asleep, I'll find myself rocking back and forth while sucking my thumb and clinging to my blankie.

I don't really want to canvass the subject. Tomorrow everything will be fine, and I'll feel silly for having let myself despair over nothing. The world isn't ending, I'm not a complete failure, the entire population of the Earth doesn't hate me, and eventually this will all work right. There, there.

It was so very grey today. So very Monday-like. So very much the way I feel.

To top it all off, I'm pretty sure that I killed a bunny on my way to work this morning. One little bunny darted out in front of my car (I missed him) and then another right after the first. I think I hit the second bunny. I feel a little sick. And I want to cry a little.

Ugh. The world is a terrible place AND I'm a bunny killer.

I'm going to bed now, and will do my best to pretend that I never got up this morning.

Sharing Genes With Celebrities

Instead of working today, I've been having fun with the face recognition software on myheritage.com. I was skeptical after uploading my picture and getting a list of gorgeous female celebrities (who I don't think I resemble at all). But then I started uploading celebrity photos to see if the software could match them. It was 100% correct, every time.

So "yay" for me, I share some features with Grace Kelly, Hillary Swank, Keira Knightly, Eva Longoria, Jennifer Aniston, Queen Rania, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Tori Amos, Julianne Moore, and... Janis Joplin(???). (The ladies I mentioned all appeared multiple times.) I feel pretty.. oh so pretty.

Ok, ok... so Andy Roddick showed up a bunch of times too. I guess if I have to look like a guy, there are worse ones to resemble.

So save me a spot on the red carpet. You all know I'm dying for an excuse to buy more impractical shoes.

Everywhere You Go You Shout It

I've had a pretty productive week so far. Amazing, I know. Since Monday, I have created a new resume and portfolio, sent them to several people, and started a new painting. (Doesn't sound like much when I list it...) Ok, and I'm um... (don't shoot me) considering a career change.

Dare I say that I want to be an independent film maker? (Doesn't everyone?)

I feel like the clouds have parted and everything that I need to give it a go has fallen at my feet.

Now I just need a good idea. A script would probably be good too.

(Ha... all of my actor friends are cowering in fear.)

Let's see what happens!

It's Morphin' Time!

Well, I succumbed to Jme's urgings and put a few of my videos up on youtube.com. I think I have these links titled right...

Original of the Species
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECQkuaZ0Kjw

Going Under
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0SX1oJ-7ms

Incomplete (this one seems to be everybody's favorite)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2S1rkgbB14

More will be coming soon. I have entirely too much time on my hands.

On a side note, have I ever mentioned how much I love Wikipedia? I went there yesterday to settle a little dispute over which dino spirit the original red power ranger embodied (btw, never argue with me over power ranger trivia!!) and found this portion of the entry:

Plot Sequence
A normal Power Rangers episode can be broken down into an everyplot.
The plot sequence is generally as follows:

1. Rangers are seen in everyday life with a dispute to resolve.
2. Rangers are attacked by an evil foe's minions/foot soldiers.
3. Rangers fight minions/foot soldiers.
4. Rangers morph.
5. Rangers defeat minions/foot soldiers.
6. Evil enemy revives minion and makes minion grow to gigantic proportions, followed by
7. Rangers summoning giant machines known as Zords and/or their combined form, the Megazord.
8. Optional: Rangers find that their current powers are insufficient to defeat monster and discover a new power, such as a Battlizer armor for the Red Ranger, a sixth Ranger, or a new Megazord.
9. Rangers fight and defeat said giant minion.
10. Rangers are shown back in everyday life, having learned a life lesson which solves the earlier dispute.

This is only funny because I found it only moments after explaining the Power Ranger everyplot...

Don't laugh at me! Be honest with yourself... deep down inside, everyone wants to run around doing kung-fu in red/blue/black/green/yellow/pink/white spandex.

A Knock On The Door

It was 78 degrees today. 78 degrees on April 14? How is that even possible? I guess some meteorologist on the radio said that the uncanny warm weather is a good indication of how the rest of the summer will be. Fine by me. I'm not happy unless my skin is melting off.

I could write a whole second paragraph about the recent increase in geologic and solar activity and its impact on the climate, but I'll spare you this time.

If we have another blizzard before May, I'm going to have to murder someone.

Again today, I was feeling the strongest urge to paint, and was never able to get myself in front of a canvas. Ugh. I have all of tomorrow... but I probably won't feel like it anymore by then. If I actually paint something tonight, I'll post pictures tomorrow. I seriously need to get these framed and out in stores/restaurants/etc. But I'm a lazy cow. :)

Fine, fine. I'll paint a little one. I'll paint a little one right now. Wish me luck.

Precious Illusions

Piss. I spent a good half-hour writing an intelligent and entertaining blog entry just to have the "publish" function fail. And it's gone. You get the summarized not-nearly-so-clever version.

Some days seem to be steeped in the sinking feeling that there is something inherently dark and sinister about the universe. Today was like that, from its unsettling start to its anti-climatic finish.

I'm blaming it all on the weird dreams.

(Yes, after a brief hiatus, they're back!)

I'll spare you the gory details, and keep it to the CliffsNotes version this time around. I was a Sergeant in the Army, there were three prostitute witches (who keep their relatives' heads on the mantelpiece), the staff from an entire office building was trapped in an oil tanker, and dinosaurs attack at the end of the world.

Yeah. As you can imagine, I woke up feeling a little off-kilter. The rest of my day was pretty standard (minus the sense of impending doom). I made play-doh cookies with my niece, yawned my way through "Little Women", did a little shopping, ate a little dinner, (did a little dance, made a little love, basically "got down" tonight... ha ha...couldn't resist... and no, that WASN'T in the first version!). Somewhere in there I read some James Tate, which probably didn't help with the "doom and gloom"... And the sunset tonight was freakishly pink, which made the water in the bay look blood-red...

Anyway, I'm going to go snuggle in bed now and listen to some whiny female songwriters while stream-of-consciousness sketching. Before long, I'll slip back into the relative comfort of my dreamworld. For all its absurdity, I can't help but feel that it is my true home.

Because of You

It's that bad... I'm listening to Kelly Clarkson. No, not listening to sappy Kelly Clarkson songs... wailing them at the top of my lungs into my hairbrush.

One would think that after 23 years of life, I would understand that people don't change. They might seem different on the surface, but underneath is the same old rusty framework. I fall for the facade every time. Is it because I really believe things have changed or because I want and need to believe it? I'm leaning towards the latter. Hope's a bitch.

The people who are closest to me are completely blind to my thoughts and feelings, and that's never going to change. I made sacrifices in the name of diplomacy. I stopped dreaming to lessen the sting of disappointment. I stopped living.

It's never been about me. I'm tired of making excuses and I'm tired of feeling guilty for being myself. I'm done with this.

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

This is From Yesterday... But Oh Well

It's funny how the stream of ideas flows. I was going through a pretty dry phase over the last three weeks or so, then today ...SPLASH! A tsunami of energy!

I'm going to attribute half of it to a sudden anthemic "My Prerogative" sing-along in the car, half to a great Jeannie-esque ponytail, and half to my boss listening and implementing my ideas. (Yes, three halves because I'm once, twice, three times a lady!!!)

Even though I know that at some point one of the three people who call me every night will prevent any further exploration into the pools of inspiration, I'm going to enjoy the glow...

Ring! Ring! ..Until it ends.

I Got Tagged

I got tagged

Six weird things about me? That won't be so hard... so I'll pick things people might not know.

1. I like to pretend that I'm Jewish, even though there is no evidence that I have a single Jewish relative.
2. When I'm alone in the car, singing along to a duet, I use different voices for the two people.
3. I'm a compulsive list-maker. Sometimes I add things I've already done just so that I can cross them off and feel a sense of accomplishment.
4. My deepest regret from college is that I never took fencing.
5. I own several copies of "The Catcher in the Rye"...but I've never read it.
6. I love being an "artist"... if only for the fact that it gives me the "right" to be as ridiculous as I want without anyone questioning my actions and opinions. I have a license to be as weird as I want to be. And no one raises an eyebrow (at least not to my face!).

And on that note, I'm not tagging anyone back. Because I'm bad-ass.

Ruminations and Revelations

If this snow doesn't melt and I don't get some sleep, they're going to have to drag me off to the loony bin. Seriously.

I have cabin fever. I'm sitting in front of my computer in a skirt, bikini top, and flip-flops while listening to Ricky Martin and lathering on the sunless tanner. (Ricky Martin!) It's that bad. Dammit, I want to be wearing this OUTSIDE! (Do I really want it? Yeah! Do I really want it? Yeah!)

Ok, putting my clothes back on and getting serious. Grrr... it happened again last night. I can't turn my brain off anymore. I can't stop thinking. I watched the freakin' sunrise... not in a good way, in an "Oh my God, I still haven't fallen asleep yet and the sun is already rising!!!" kind of way. Ugh. This all started when my stupid car died. First I was stressed out about that- the stupid mechanic wouldn't even look at it and I was so sure it was a busted bearing. Then there was all the stress of finding a new car. Then the stress of paying for the new car. Now the stress of looking for a new job to help pay for the new car. To top it all off, I have coupons for both Bath and Body Works and Victoria's Secret that I can't use now because I'm too poor. (TOO POOR for pretty bath gel and underwear... this is unbearable.) I don't even know what I want anymore. I'm questioning everything - my priorities, my desires, my dreams. Where do I want to live? What do I want to do? (Jme-Just in case you missed it, this is the part where you chime in with the "move to Chicago" shtick.) Am I ready to live alone? Can I live with a job that pays well but isn't fulfilling? What is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?

All I'm asking for is a seven-eight hour break from those questions and more every night. Is that so much?

Here's to Never Giving Up and Lung Disease

Today is the first sunny day that Michigan has seen in a few months. In honor of that, I took a cruise in the KITT car, dusted off my sunglasses, pulled the moonroof shade back, did my banking, and grabbed a shake. For a moment, life feels good. (And oh so McMinty!) I know that will probably all change by Monday, so I'm going to let it soak in while I can.

Or I might just take a nap. I haven't hardly slept in the last ten days or so- been doing way too much thinking. It's been a dramatic week. If there wasn't so much snow, I'd run off into the woods and climb a tree or something. Instead, I'll just pop in the latest P&P and further destroy all my chances at real happiness with silly romantic ideals. Ugh. Would I run into a handsome, rich man who tells me I've bewitched him "body and soul" if I were to go romping around in my jammies in the misty hours of the morning? No, no. I'd run into a bear then catch pneumonia from breathing all the cold morning air as I run for my life.

What my life lacks in magic, it makes up with ironies.

A Beautiful Mind

Ugh. Just when life couldn't get anymore complicated, I decide to become either a medium or a paranoid schizophrenic.

My weird dreams just reached an entirely new level of strangeness. It began with just an idea and nothing visual. I was dead. (It's always a good sign when you're dead before the dream even starts!) How do I describe it? Being dead feels something like the half-consciousness you feel when your roommate/lover/spouse's alarm goes off, and even though you never actually wake up, you are "aware" that they are getting dressed, brushing their teeth, etc. I was "aware" that I was dead but didn't really mind. I was also "aware" that I'd been cut clean in half across the midriff and placed in a stone sarcophagus in the middle of a forest. Time passes... I'm not sure how much... but I get a vague feeling that I'm being miraculously put back together. Suddenly, I wake up as if from sleeping (disoriented, but not upset or disturbed to be in a tomb!), push the lid aside, and step out.

While my subconscious is probably trying to tell me something very mundane with colorful imagery, there's always that tiny chance that I just predicted the second coming. Start building your bomb shelters.

Now to the really scary part.

For the last few months, I've been suffering from progressively more severe "hallucinations". They started as innocent drops of light. Then the lights went away, and I started seeing big black beetles. Now the beetles are gone and I see people. Not moving, regular people. Like, shadows of people. I don't "hear voices" or anything like that, but it's still fairly disconcerting.

As you can imagine, I have PLENTY of theories. My honest belief is that (especially around this time of year!) my sinuses are sometimes putting too much pressure on my eyes and making me "see" things. Similar to the things people sometimes "see" during a migraine. Theory number two is that I have a sleeping disorder. I'm getting a full eight hours every night, but I rarely wake up rested. This could account for my lively REM sleep too! Theory three: the obvious brain tumor thing. I doubt that one since I haven't had any headaches. Theory four: I'm slipping into paranoid schizophrenia. Unfortunately, I happen to be the right age for that. Theory five: that there's black mold in my house that's making me see things. Theory five is actually more fuel for theory four than an actual theory in and of itself. Finally, theory six: that I'm getting in touch with my inner John Edwards. I'm refusing for it to be theory six, since I've always maintained that there is no such thing as ghosts. And I hate to be wrong.

So we'll see what happens. I can probably work a movie deal out of most of the possibilities.

My Heart Did Time In Siberia

It's the night before Lent begins, and I'm still trying to figure out what I'm giving up. The obvious answer is procrastination, but let's face it, that ain't happening. This year I'd like to stay on God's good side and pick something slightly more attainable.

My first thought is unscripted TV. I'll admit it, those high-drama, reality-competition type shows are my guilty pleasure. "The Mole" was my first "hook" and my favorite... unfortunately, the network didn't agree. Then it was "Big Brother", "The Apprentice", and "The Amazing Race". Last summer, it was all about "RockStar:INXS". Most recently, I've been following "Dancing With Celebrities". (I was very happy to see Drew and Cheryl win the other night!) The truth is, I'm between reality shows. I can't give up something I'm not doing.

(Actually, I DID catch the last few minutes of the latest "Apprentice" last night. My money's on Dan. He brought up a really great point in the boardroom. Granted, I have no idea what it was about since I didn't actually watch the show... but he expressed himself quite well! At work today, I looked him up on the NBC website to see what his background was, and noticed that he listed U2 as his favorite band. That's it. He gets my vote!)

Mr. Trump said something to the Russian guy about getting sent to Siberia. Which obviously made me think of the song "Siberia" (of course!) and I thought, "Wow, I haven't heard that one in a while". Been listening to it all day. What a depressing, beautiful song. There is something about the way AJ sings the "yeah" at the end that reaches down my throat and yanks my lungs right out.

Oh hell, as long as I'm going off on a tangent anyway...

My Top Ten Heart-Wrenching Song Moments (in no particular order)

1. 'Oh Yeah', "Siberia", Backstreet Boys
2. 'Scream without raising your voice', "Running to Stand Still", U2
3. 'OoooooooohOoooooooohh running down!', "Remember When it Rained", Josh Groban
4. 'They still can't erase you', "Hand Me Down", Matchbox 20
5. 'All that's left of yesterdaaaaaaaaay', "Hello", Evanescence
6. 'Can you hear me when I sing?', "Sometimes You Can't Make it On Your Own", U2
7. 'You're caught on a one way street with the monsters in your head', "Crash and Burn, Savage Garden
8. 'Is there a time to be a beauty queen?', "Miss Sarajevo", U2
9. 'I don't want to make you face this world alone', "Incomplete", Backstreet Boys
10. 'My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with', "Because of You", Kelly Clarkston

Looking back over my list, I don't think my spine-tingling moments have anything to do with the lyrics.

Ahem. Getting back from the longest departure ever... I have officially decided to give up frivolous spending for Lent. No more argyle socks. No more DVD's I won't actually watch. No more pop tarts.

Whew. We'll see how this goes.

Ride Softly and Carry a Big Rock

Sometimes I wonder why I bother to write in this thing at all. Do people actually read it? I don't think so. I think it has a little more to do with vanity and egocentricism. Oh well.

I'll try to keep it moderately entertaining.

I had a dream last night that I was horseback riding, and ran into a huge compound without doors in the middle of the woods. It was near dusk and starting to get pretty dark. As I rode back to the stables, something spooked my horse and it threw me. I started hiking back (it's nighttime now) and accidentally come upon a TV studio in the middle of the woods with all the lights turned on. I'm curious, and see this older man making some kind of weird video. I catch on that he's faking a video to suck people into his cult. I get a little nervous and start to run away. He notices me, and runs after me with a carving knife. I chuck a big rock at him, hitting him in the head (knocking him out). Then I notice that it's L. Ron Hubbard. The Scientologists are trying to kill me in my dreams. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were probably eating babies and sacrificing virgins inside the compound.

Scientologists... beware of me and my good aim! (That means you, Travolta!) Ha.

Why do I have a nasty feeling I'm suddenly going to get hordes of hate mail from all the Cruise/Holmes/Travolta fans out there?

Oh wait, no one reads my blog. Whew.

Knight Rider

Well, it's settled. My boss insisted that since my last name is Knight and I'm driving a black Pontiac sports car, it would be a "crime against humanity" NOT to name my car "Kitt". I can't argue with that. Now I just need to find the red lights for the front... Ironically, I also discovered today that my car talks to me when there is a problem. I had the auto headlights turned off, and it suddenly got dark outside. Kitt beeped at me, and a message appeared on my dash that my low-beams were recommended. Ha! I died laughing.

Also on the rampage for a high-paying job. Hmm, let me rephrase that. High paying for me. And in a half-way decent town. Found the perfect job in Battle Creek... and just can't bring myself to work in the cereal capital of the world... in the cereal factory. And I could have designed Kellogg's boxes.

Call me crazy, but I'm dying to work for a magazine. Hollywood makes them look so darn cool. (I can see it now, I'll finally land a job with... Log Home Living!)

Really it's too bad. I like the work at my current job. But I can't pay my bills with happiness. Bleh.

Meet "Ryan"/"Ian"/"Undecided"

Yea! I brought my new baby home today. I suppose I really shouldn't call him my new baby since he's such a studly man-car.

I'm still deciding on a name. (Yes, I name anything mechanical. Jme got me started on it. Honest to God, things with names simply work better.) Karen suggested "Ryan" after the player who lived across the hall. That's a good possibility. I'm also thinking "Ian". I'll have to drive him some more to really figure it out.

The downside to all of this is that I'm brown-bag lunch poor. Yes, I'll be eating pb&j for the next few months until I start making more money. This has inspired me to start seriously looking for a new job. I really should have started looking a long time ago. It has also inspired me to do some things I've always wanted to try but never bothered to do, like finding an art dealer. Selling a few paintings on the side would kick ass.

This car is a very good omen. The stars have been aligned in my favor, making it all happen so perfectly. Everything is about to change.

Calm Before the Storm

Well, tomorrow I finally pick up my new car. On the one hand, I'm excited beyond imagination. One short week without independence was more than enough, and it's a hell of a sweet ride. On the other hand, I'm a little nervous about the payments. I can afford this car on paper, but do I have the discipline to stick to my tighter budget?

My temporary solution is to do some extra freelance work. I'm trying out the ifreelance.com website for now. Long term, I need to find a new full-time job. I'm trying not to think about how much I've limited myself by working in such a specific field for so long. Well, and part of me is still clinging to the dream of a doctor/lawyer/heir-to-a-fortune boyfriend fantasy. Dammit, it may be shallow, but I would love to spend my days buying home decor and clothes.

Tomorrow I'll post pictures of the new baby!

Taxes Made Easy, Taxes Done Right

I tried Turbo Tax for the first time this year and was very impressed. Now that neither state nor federal taxes can be sent in on paper (for free) and I desperately need the refund check, I decided to give it a try. It was very quick and easy, but cost almost 50 bucks. Bleh.

I also discovered that all of the interest I pay on my student loans is refundable. Does that make any sense? I mean, I'm certainly not complaining, but what is the point of one part of the government charging me interest, and another part of it giving the interest back? I suppose they do come out ahead, receiving interest on the money from my interest while it is in their possession... but still.

My total refund came to about a thousand bucks this year (yea!). Maybe I really can afford a new (used) car after all... Right now I'm looking at a Grand Am or a Grand Prix.

I find myself in the middle of a rushing cascade effect. My car breaks down, but I can't afford/don't want to put thousands of dollars into fixing it, so I'm going to get a new one. The new one will have a monthly payment and higher insurance costs (my last car was paid off with PLPD). I can barely afford to live as it is... So I clearly need to get a new job that pays better. BUT, there's NO WAY I'll be able to pay for all the initial costs of moving, and I will need to move to get a better job. Ugh. Life was so much simpler a week ago.

Still No Answer

Look at me, writing blogs like crazy. Before you know it, I'll be doing it every day...

..Ok, well, maybe you shouldn't hold your breath.

My car situation STILL hasn't been resolved. The mechanic never bothered to look at it all week long and still has no intention of doing it anytime soon. I will most likely tow it to a different shop on Sunday. In the meantime, I'll probably spend tomorrow scoping out the used car scene. Just as long as I find one I like with a keyless entry remote...

Can a Heart Still Break Once It's Stopped Beating?

Netflixs finally delivered "The Corpse Bride" yesterday. Due to my lack of transportation, I took the day off to arrange my insurance claim, wait for news about the car, etc. etc. As you can imagine, I abandoned all of my plans for the day and watched my movie instead.

I should have just gone out and bought it. Did I actually think Tim Burton would disappoint me? How is it that a strange man and his puppets move me more than some of the "great" actors and directors? Is it wrong that I fell asleep during "Mystic River" but was moved to tears by a stop-motion animation? Don't answer that until you've seen it.

It was such a relief and pleasure to see a truly original story. I can't remember the last time I saw something (well, something NOT directed/produced/written by Mr. Burton!) that wasn't just a twist on the same old formula. I'm starting to feel worn out by all the remakes and sequels we've been forced to wade through this year.

I found myself feeling sincere compassion and sympathy (and crying compassionate, sincere tears!) for a puppet. No, a corpse bride puppet. Now that's some good storytelling.

It's worth a rent just to hear Danny Elfman's haunting soundtrack. Gorgeous.

R.I.P. Pam

Well, let's sum up my day in six words: I called TWO tow-trucks today.

The first wasn't so bad. There's a giant pothole on the corner and the studio is the closest building to it. Some girl knocked her tire off of her rim, and I called a towing service for her. I felt pretty good about it, actually. It's nice to feel a teensy bit heroic now and then.

Then on my way home, my car stalled and died on a HUGE hill. (I would stall out in the one place where there is no shoulder to pull off on!!) Yep. I think the poor old car has bitten the dust at last.

The first thing I did was call my mommy so that she could look up a towing service for me. Big mistake. Like all moms, she takes care of everything. Unfortunately, that meant calling them for me and putting Dad on the phone with me... You know, I love the guy, but he has a tendency to make me freak out in situations like this. I was totally calm. He had me hyperventilating and crying within five minutes. I actually hung up on him, and then had a PTSD-like flashback.

Suddenly, I was five years old and had just cracked my chin open. I went indoors, Mom saw that I was bleeding like crazy, sat me on the couch, and went to get bandages and ice. Dad comes over to look at my cut, and starts yelling at my mom that "it goes all the way down to the bone!!!" And I start crying.

Bizarre. I've never had a real flashback before. Never had my car towed either. It was a day chock-full of new things! Bleh...

Books, Books, Books!

Every year I have a "reading list" that I never come anywhere near finishing. This time I'm REALLY going to try (ha ha)... so anyway, here is "Reading List 2006" and you all have permission to make fun of me when 2007 rolls around and I'm still only halfway through it. Oh, and if you have ever read any of these books, and they aren't worth wasting my time on, please drop me a comment. :) But keep in mind that (believe it or not) I really do enjoy classics. I'll be updating this...

1. Great Expectations DONE
2. Ghosts of Vesuvius DONE
3. Purgatorio
4. Paradiso
5. Vanity Fair
6. Les Miserables
7. Comedies of Moliere
8. Works of Flaubert
9. Anna Karenina
10. English Romantic Verse
11. Don Quixote
12. The Sixteen Satires
13. Candide
14. 1984
15. The Good Earth
16. The Twelve Caesars
17. The Crimes of Charlotte Bronte
18. The Hunchback of Notre Dame
19. Edgar Allan Poe - Complete Tales and Poems
20. The Oresteian Trilogy
21. House of Sand and Fog
22. The Art of Deception
23. Madame Bovary
24. Mansfield Park
25. Northanger Abby
26. The Grim Grotto
27. Uh, the book that comes after that!
28. Legends of the Fall
29. The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy DONE
30. Schindler's List
31. Cleopatra
32. The Bridge Over the River Kwai
33. Robinson Crusoe
34. The New World of Philosophy
35. A Beautiful Mind
36. Wuthering Heights (A refresher read, for you Jme!!)
37. Sybil
38. Cannery Row
39. The Green Mile
40. Poetry of Byron
41. The Catcher in the Rye
42. Requiem for a Dream DONE
43. Taken
44. Frankenstein (I can't remember if I've ever read the whole thing)
45. Harry Potter (It's been so long, I've forgotten some of the little details... time for a quick re-read!)
46. " "
47. " "
48. " "
49. " "
50. " "
51. Lord of the Rings (when I get bored with all the above)
52. Pride and Prejudice (because I know I will break down and read it AGAIN!) DONE

Wouldn't You Know it- Hell is in Florida!

There is seemingly no end in sight for my WEIRD dreams.

In last night's dream, the entire population of Earth was sent to a "preview" of Hell. (For those who are wondering, it resembles a convention center and is in Florida!) I showed up late, and only had a few minutes before the presentation to walk around the vendor tables. Before I could go in, I had to "sign up" with a sponsor. I didn't know what I was "signing up" for, so I picked the nearest table (which happened to be Calvin Klein!) and used an alias.

Then I went into the main conference room, and enjoyed a lovely presentation about all the wonders of Hell, with free cocktails. They showed us a few samples of torture, including a wood chipper that chases you around, a dragon thing that eats you then spits you back out, and worst of all, a tv with figure skating on every channel. Everyone was totally enamored except for me.

Since I was the last to arrive (and acting like a party-pooper!), I was picked to demonstrate the wood chipper. Ugh. It was something like one of those robotic vacuum cleaners that moves around the room, except it was chasing me. Somehow I managed to get away from it, and one of the very attractive Hell employees gave me a figure skating poster as a door prize. Then they kicked me out. The End.

Well, it may not make any sense, but I give my subconscious full points for creativity.

Follow-Through

Well, I promised a glimpse at the famed "lunge-painting" technique, didn't I? Ha. I did a lot more painting than exercising, that's for sure.

Tomorrow will be the big sculpting/painting day at work. In fact, before I leave in the morning, I have to dig up a bunch of snow around the house to collect moss and vines. My life borders on surreal. As soon as I have a portrait featuring my creation, I'll put it up.

Also, my new website is nearing completion. I'll make an announcement when it's ready and up.

Running to Stand Still

It's that time of year when I plan on doing everything and end up doing nothing. I always tell myself I'm going to use all the "indoor time" catching up on things, working out, painting, reading... basically becoming a sexier, more efficient me. Does that actually happen? Nope. Every January-February-March I gain at least three pounds and my life falls apart even though I don't have anything to do. Why is that?

To top it off, my dreams are obviously trying to tell me something very important, and I'm too dense to figure it out- last night I was mauled by a bear, swept away by a tsunami, AND trampled by a herd of zebra within a few minutes. Crazy.

"Scream without raising your voice"

On a happier note, I'm in the midst of creating a new fairy/springtime set. One day this week or next week I get to go into work wearing JEANS (yea!) and sculpt a stone wall out of Styrofoam. There are very few times when I truly enjoy my job. This happens to be one of those rare occasions. Let's see how long this lasts.

Ok, going to go take a shot at painting while doing lunges and see how it works out. I'll post the results tomorrow. :) We'll just call it "abstract expressionism".

Painter-ing!

Well, I finally decided to download the trial version of Corel's Painter. As you can see, I've whipped up a few creations to share.

LOST in Space?

I'm pathetically addicted to "LOST". And it has finally reached an unhealthy level... so bear with me.

This all started because of Walt. Obviously, "the force" is strong with him and he is the "chosen one" who will bring balance to the island. My imagination went wild from there, deciding who would be who if the characters from LOST were all dumped into Star Wars. Enjoy!

• Walt - Anakin- we all know that he's going to snap and either join "the others" or kill them all. He screams "dark side"!
• Michael - Shmi Skywalker - Daddy's going to get himself killed, and Walt's going to go off on a killing spree.
• Jack - Luke - he's our "everyman". We're obligated to root for him even though we all know that Sawyer's the real hero of the show.
• Sawyer - Han Solo - I think this one is legit. He slides a lot of Star Wars lingo into his sarcasm.
• Kate - Princess Leia - Can't you see her riding a speeder through the jungle? And of course there's the whole love-triangle-thing.
• Locke - Obi Wan Kenobi - Mentor to both Jack (Luke) and Walt (Anakin).
• Jin - Chewbacca - Sawyer already named him. Can't argue with that.
• Hurley - C3-PO - Sorry, but he's pretty useless and never shuts up.
• Eko - Yoda - Ironic that I made the tallest guy the shortest. He always has something wise to say. And he can kick some serious ass.
• Charlie - Jar Jar Binks - We all know he isn't there to be the hero.
• Sayid - Mace Windu - He totally has the "angry jedi" thing going.
• Shannon- Padme - Just because she irritates me. Although she and Walt do seem to have a strange connection...
• Ana Lucia - Boba Fett - She's always looking for someone to pick on... eventually it's going to send her on a one-way trip down a sarlaac pit.
• Vincent - R2D2 - The dog's the only one on this island who really knows what's going on. And no understands him.
• Rose - Well, forget Star Wars, we all know she's actually "The Oracle"!!!

New Website

To the five or so people who actually venture over to my much neglected website, I should mention that my regular domain (www.aleishaknight.com) is temporarily down.

I'm in the middle of changing my host and all the usual mess that ensues.

For the time being, the site will be available at www.geocities.com/aleishaknight. Also be aware that my email address (postmaster@aleishaknight.com) is no longer usable.

I'll post a note once everything is updated and working!

Resolutions

For some odd reason, this January just doesn't feel like a "New Year". Normally I'd be making resolutions I don't intend to keep, planning a new career I don't intend to pursue, stuff like that. But I'm not.

Maybe it was my somber Christmas. Maybe it was Dick Clark's heartbreaking return to Times Square. Maybe I've been sucked through a LOST-esqe disturbance in the time-space continuum. Maybe I've just been doing the same thing for too long.

Whatever it is, I feel like it's February or something and I've completely jumped over the month of self-improvement.

On second thought, I have a strong suspicion that I'm feeling this way because 2005 was such a flatline. Normally I'd be sending out my yearly updates about now- a whole letter filled with all the concentrated excitement of the year. (I started one. It had three sentences...) Last year, I decided to make 2005 my year of zen. It was filled with peace, insight, and very little drama. Isn't that what everyone strives for?

It turns out that peace is a little boring.

So, right here, right now, I'm turning a new leaf (even though I don't feel like it!) and choosing to have more drama in 2006.

So watch out! (And please don't laugh when this year turns out to be even quieter than the last!)

It is a Truth Universally Acknowledged...

...That a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife..... Oh, if only.

Well folks, I FINALLY went to see the latest version of "Pride and Prejudice". For those who aren't aware, I'm a Jane Austen nut, which probably makes me the worst judge of any movie based on one of her novels. (I always end up nitpicking instead of enjoying...) So before I start tearing this one apart, let's establish 2 things. A. If you aren't familiar with the story at all, you're going to LOVE this movie. B. If you haven't seen the A&E mini-series that was made in the mid-90's starring Colin Firth, you will LOVE this movie. If both apply, stop reading this right now, and haul your bottom and your best friend to the nearest theater. If either of these does not apply, you're going to find yourself sitting in there with one eyebrow raised.

I can't be too harsh on the movie because frankly, I'm in love with the story. It could be done with animated animals and I still would have liked it. BUT, there were a few things that I just couldn't get past. First of all, it's just sooooo dramatic. They've turned a parlor comedy based on wit and misunderstanding into an "Oscar movie". Halfway through, I really wanted to stand up and tell everyone to lighten up. Also, I understand that P&P is a really long book, and that all of it couldn't be squashed into two hours- I was expecting some things to be edited and rearranged- but the biggest changes were things that would not have taken any more time to do properly. There are at least two major instances, one being a meeting between Darcy and Elizabeth in her bedroom at night instead of outside during the day (ugh... come on, that would have been such a scandal then, and it's completely out of his character), and the other being the visit paid by Lady Catherine to the Bennet home, again in the middle of the night instead of during the day (again, scandalous and totally out of her character). Ok, and I was really miffed that Pemberley was decorated in the neo-classical style instead of Victorian (but since no one else cares about historical inaccuracies...)

And, bless his heart, Matthew MacFadyen is no Colin Firth... not by a long shot. But we can't hold that against him. Colin was born to play Mr. Darcy. He's practically type-cast.

To its favor, this P&P is beautiful. The cinematography and the locations are unparalleled. And being dramatic isn't all bad. The ending, though "inaccurate", was very moving and magical. I'll admit that I liked the change, and it had me all tearey-eyed. It's probably more "realistic" in certain ways too (more than even the book is). Some of the more caricatured characters- Mrs. Bennet, Mr. Collins, and Lady Catherine were quite subdued by comparison to the original story. Unfortunately, this also makes the whole thing a lot less funny.

So... the bottom line is: If you're in the mood for a passionate, haunting, epic-style love story, go see the version in theaters now- it's well worth the money. I'll be first in line for the DVD- it's perfect for those nights at home alone with popcorn and wine coolers. If you're a Jane Austen fan, and in the mood to laugh (and fall madly and irreversibly in love with Colin Firth!), plant your butt on the couch for the whole five hours of A&E's mini-series version.