My Heart Did Time In Siberia

It's the night before Lent begins, and I'm still trying to figure out what I'm giving up. The obvious answer is procrastination, but let's face it, that ain't happening. This year I'd like to stay on God's good side and pick something slightly more attainable.

My first thought is unscripted TV. I'll admit it, those high-drama, reality-competition type shows are my guilty pleasure. "The Mole" was my first "hook" and my favorite... unfortunately, the network didn't agree. Then it was "Big Brother", "The Apprentice", and "The Amazing Race". Last summer, it was all about "RockStar:INXS". Most recently, I've been following "Dancing With Celebrities". (I was very happy to see Drew and Cheryl win the other night!) The truth is, I'm between reality shows. I can't give up something I'm not doing.

(Actually, I DID catch the last few minutes of the latest "Apprentice" last night. My money's on Dan. He brought up a really great point in the boardroom. Granted, I have no idea what it was about since I didn't actually watch the show... but he expressed himself quite well! At work today, I looked him up on the NBC website to see what his background was, and noticed that he listed U2 as his favorite band. That's it. He gets my vote!)

Mr. Trump said something to the Russian guy about getting sent to Siberia. Which obviously made me think of the song "Siberia" (of course!) and I thought, "Wow, I haven't heard that one in a while". Been listening to it all day. What a depressing, beautiful song. There is something about the way AJ sings the "yeah" at the end that reaches down my throat and yanks my lungs right out.

Oh hell, as long as I'm going off on a tangent anyway...

My Top Ten Heart-Wrenching Song Moments (in no particular order)

1. 'Oh Yeah', "Siberia", Backstreet Boys
2. 'Scream without raising your voice', "Running to Stand Still", U2
3. 'OoooooooohOoooooooohh running down!', "Remember When it Rained", Josh Groban
4. 'They still can't erase you', "Hand Me Down", Matchbox 20
5. 'All that's left of yesterdaaaaaaaaay', "Hello", Evanescence
6. 'Can you hear me when I sing?', "Sometimes You Can't Make it On Your Own", U2
7. 'You're caught on a one way street with the monsters in your head', "Crash and Burn, Savage Garden
8. 'Is there a time to be a beauty queen?', "Miss Sarajevo", U2
9. 'I don't want to make you face this world alone', "Incomplete", Backstreet Boys
10. 'My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with', "Because of You", Kelly Clarkston

Looking back over my list, I don't think my spine-tingling moments have anything to do with the lyrics.

Ahem. Getting back from the longest departure ever... I have officially decided to give up frivolous spending for Lent. No more argyle socks. No more DVD's I won't actually watch. No more pop tarts.

Whew. We'll see how this goes.

Ride Softly and Carry a Big Rock

Sometimes I wonder why I bother to write in this thing at all. Do people actually read it? I don't think so. I think it has a little more to do with vanity and egocentricism. Oh well.

I'll try to keep it moderately entertaining.

I had a dream last night that I was horseback riding, and ran into a huge compound without doors in the middle of the woods. It was near dusk and starting to get pretty dark. As I rode back to the stables, something spooked my horse and it threw me. I started hiking back (it's nighttime now) and accidentally come upon a TV studio in the middle of the woods with all the lights turned on. I'm curious, and see this older man making some kind of weird video. I catch on that he's faking a video to suck people into his cult. I get a little nervous and start to run away. He notices me, and runs after me with a carving knife. I chuck a big rock at him, hitting him in the head (knocking him out). Then I notice that it's L. Ron Hubbard. The Scientologists are trying to kill me in my dreams. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were probably eating babies and sacrificing virgins inside the compound.

Scientologists... beware of me and my good aim! (That means you, Travolta!) Ha.

Why do I have a nasty feeling I'm suddenly going to get hordes of hate mail from all the Cruise/Holmes/Travolta fans out there?

Oh wait, no one reads my blog. Whew.

Knight Rider

Well, it's settled. My boss insisted that since my last name is Knight and I'm driving a black Pontiac sports car, it would be a "crime against humanity" NOT to name my car "Kitt". I can't argue with that. Now I just need to find the red lights for the front... Ironically, I also discovered today that my car talks to me when there is a problem. I had the auto headlights turned off, and it suddenly got dark outside. Kitt beeped at me, and a message appeared on my dash that my low-beams were recommended. Ha! I died laughing.

Also on the rampage for a high-paying job. Hmm, let me rephrase that. High paying for me. And in a half-way decent town. Found the perfect job in Battle Creek... and just can't bring myself to work in the cereal capital of the world... in the cereal factory. And I could have designed Kellogg's boxes.

Call me crazy, but I'm dying to work for a magazine. Hollywood makes them look so darn cool. (I can see it now, I'll finally land a job with... Log Home Living!)

Really it's too bad. I like the work at my current job. But I can't pay my bills with happiness. Bleh.

Meet "Ryan"/"Ian"/"Undecided"

Yea! I brought my new baby home today. I suppose I really shouldn't call him my new baby since he's such a studly man-car.

I'm still deciding on a name. (Yes, I name anything mechanical. Jme got me started on it. Honest to God, things with names simply work better.) Karen suggested "Ryan" after the player who lived across the hall. That's a good possibility. I'm also thinking "Ian". I'll have to drive him some more to really figure it out.

The downside to all of this is that I'm brown-bag lunch poor. Yes, I'll be eating pb&j for the next few months until I start making more money. This has inspired me to start seriously looking for a new job. I really should have started looking a long time ago. It has also inspired me to do some things I've always wanted to try but never bothered to do, like finding an art dealer. Selling a few paintings on the side would kick ass.

This car is a very good omen. The stars have been aligned in my favor, making it all happen so perfectly. Everything is about to change.

Calm Before the Storm

Well, tomorrow I finally pick up my new car. On the one hand, I'm excited beyond imagination. One short week without independence was more than enough, and it's a hell of a sweet ride. On the other hand, I'm a little nervous about the payments. I can afford this car on paper, but do I have the discipline to stick to my tighter budget?

My temporary solution is to do some extra freelance work. I'm trying out the ifreelance.com website for now. Long term, I need to find a new full-time job. I'm trying not to think about how much I've limited myself by working in such a specific field for so long. Well, and part of me is still clinging to the dream of a doctor/lawyer/heir-to-a-fortune boyfriend fantasy. Dammit, it may be shallow, but I would love to spend my days buying home decor and clothes.

Tomorrow I'll post pictures of the new baby!

Taxes Made Easy, Taxes Done Right

I tried Turbo Tax for the first time this year and was very impressed. Now that neither state nor federal taxes can be sent in on paper (for free) and I desperately need the refund check, I decided to give it a try. It was very quick and easy, but cost almost 50 bucks. Bleh.

I also discovered that all of the interest I pay on my student loans is refundable. Does that make any sense? I mean, I'm certainly not complaining, but what is the point of one part of the government charging me interest, and another part of it giving the interest back? I suppose they do come out ahead, receiving interest on the money from my interest while it is in their possession... but still.

My total refund came to about a thousand bucks this year (yea!). Maybe I really can afford a new (used) car after all... Right now I'm looking at a Grand Am or a Grand Prix.

I find myself in the middle of a rushing cascade effect. My car breaks down, but I can't afford/don't want to put thousands of dollars into fixing it, so I'm going to get a new one. The new one will have a monthly payment and higher insurance costs (my last car was paid off with PLPD). I can barely afford to live as it is... So I clearly need to get a new job that pays better. BUT, there's NO WAY I'll be able to pay for all the initial costs of moving, and I will need to move to get a better job. Ugh. Life was so much simpler a week ago.

Still No Answer

Look at me, writing blogs like crazy. Before you know it, I'll be doing it every day...

..Ok, well, maybe you shouldn't hold your breath.

My car situation STILL hasn't been resolved. The mechanic never bothered to look at it all week long and still has no intention of doing it anytime soon. I will most likely tow it to a different shop on Sunday. In the meantime, I'll probably spend tomorrow scoping out the used car scene. Just as long as I find one I like with a keyless entry remote...

Can a Heart Still Break Once It's Stopped Beating?

Netflixs finally delivered "The Corpse Bride" yesterday. Due to my lack of transportation, I took the day off to arrange my insurance claim, wait for news about the car, etc. etc. As you can imagine, I abandoned all of my plans for the day and watched my movie instead.

I should have just gone out and bought it. Did I actually think Tim Burton would disappoint me? How is it that a strange man and his puppets move me more than some of the "great" actors and directors? Is it wrong that I fell asleep during "Mystic River" but was moved to tears by a stop-motion animation? Don't answer that until you've seen it.

It was such a relief and pleasure to see a truly original story. I can't remember the last time I saw something (well, something NOT directed/produced/written by Mr. Burton!) that wasn't just a twist on the same old formula. I'm starting to feel worn out by all the remakes and sequels we've been forced to wade through this year.

I found myself feeling sincere compassion and sympathy (and crying compassionate, sincere tears!) for a puppet. No, a corpse bride puppet. Now that's some good storytelling.

It's worth a rent just to hear Danny Elfman's haunting soundtrack. Gorgeous.

R.I.P. Pam

Well, let's sum up my day in six words: I called TWO tow-trucks today.

The first wasn't so bad. There's a giant pothole on the corner and the studio is the closest building to it. Some girl knocked her tire off of her rim, and I called a towing service for her. I felt pretty good about it, actually. It's nice to feel a teensy bit heroic now and then.

Then on my way home, my car stalled and died on a HUGE hill. (I would stall out in the one place where there is no shoulder to pull off on!!) Yep. I think the poor old car has bitten the dust at last.

The first thing I did was call my mommy so that she could look up a towing service for me. Big mistake. Like all moms, she takes care of everything. Unfortunately, that meant calling them for me and putting Dad on the phone with me... You know, I love the guy, but he has a tendency to make me freak out in situations like this. I was totally calm. He had me hyperventilating and crying within five minutes. I actually hung up on him, and then had a PTSD-like flashback.

Suddenly, I was five years old and had just cracked my chin open. I went indoors, Mom saw that I was bleeding like crazy, sat me on the couch, and went to get bandages and ice. Dad comes over to look at my cut, and starts yelling at my mom that "it goes all the way down to the bone!!!" And I start crying.

Bizarre. I've never had a real flashback before. Never had my car towed either. It was a day chock-full of new things! Bleh...

Books, Books, Books!

Every year I have a "reading list" that I never come anywhere near finishing. This time I'm REALLY going to try (ha ha)... so anyway, here is "Reading List 2006" and you all have permission to make fun of me when 2007 rolls around and I'm still only halfway through it. Oh, and if you have ever read any of these books, and they aren't worth wasting my time on, please drop me a comment. :) But keep in mind that (believe it or not) I really do enjoy classics. I'll be updating this...

1. Great Expectations DONE
2. Ghosts of Vesuvius DONE
3. Purgatorio
4. Paradiso
5. Vanity Fair
6. Les Miserables
7. Comedies of Moliere
8. Works of Flaubert
9. Anna Karenina
10. English Romantic Verse
11. Don Quixote
12. The Sixteen Satires
13. Candide
14. 1984
15. The Good Earth
16. The Twelve Caesars
17. The Crimes of Charlotte Bronte
18. The Hunchback of Notre Dame
19. Edgar Allan Poe - Complete Tales and Poems
20. The Oresteian Trilogy
21. House of Sand and Fog
22. The Art of Deception
23. Madame Bovary
24. Mansfield Park
25. Northanger Abby
26. The Grim Grotto
27. Uh, the book that comes after that!
28. Legends of the Fall
29. The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy DONE
30. Schindler's List
31. Cleopatra
32. The Bridge Over the River Kwai
33. Robinson Crusoe
34. The New World of Philosophy
35. A Beautiful Mind
36. Wuthering Heights (A refresher read, for you Jme!!)
37. Sybil
38. Cannery Row
39. The Green Mile
40. Poetry of Byron
41. The Catcher in the Rye
42. Requiem for a Dream DONE
43. Taken
44. Frankenstein (I can't remember if I've ever read the whole thing)
45. Harry Potter (It's been so long, I've forgotten some of the little details... time for a quick re-read!)
46. " "
47. " "
48. " "
49. " "
50. " "
51. Lord of the Rings (when I get bored with all the above)
52. Pride and Prejudice (because I know I will break down and read it AGAIN!) DONE

Wouldn't You Know it- Hell is in Florida!

There is seemingly no end in sight for my WEIRD dreams.

In last night's dream, the entire population of Earth was sent to a "preview" of Hell. (For those who are wondering, it resembles a convention center and is in Florida!) I showed up late, and only had a few minutes before the presentation to walk around the vendor tables. Before I could go in, I had to "sign up" with a sponsor. I didn't know what I was "signing up" for, so I picked the nearest table (which happened to be Calvin Klein!) and used an alias.

Then I went into the main conference room, and enjoyed a lovely presentation about all the wonders of Hell, with free cocktails. They showed us a few samples of torture, including a wood chipper that chases you around, a dragon thing that eats you then spits you back out, and worst of all, a tv with figure skating on every channel. Everyone was totally enamored except for me.

Since I was the last to arrive (and acting like a party-pooper!), I was picked to demonstrate the wood chipper. Ugh. It was something like one of those robotic vacuum cleaners that moves around the room, except it was chasing me. Somehow I managed to get away from it, and one of the very attractive Hell employees gave me a figure skating poster as a door prize. Then they kicked me out. The End.

Well, it may not make any sense, but I give my subconscious full points for creativity.

Follow-Through

Well, I promised a glimpse at the famed "lunge-painting" technique, didn't I? Ha. I did a lot more painting than exercising, that's for sure.

Tomorrow will be the big sculpting/painting day at work. In fact, before I leave in the morning, I have to dig up a bunch of snow around the house to collect moss and vines. My life borders on surreal. As soon as I have a portrait featuring my creation, I'll put it up.

Also, my new website is nearing completion. I'll make an announcement when it's ready and up.