A Few Things

One great thing about being unemployed is all the extra time you have to uncover all the great secrets of the universe. Or if you are of the hermit-hiding-out-in-a-cave persuasion (like me!), the great secrets of the internet.

My Latest, Greatest Discoveries:

1. Apply for a job at Google's Lunar Facility. You heard me. Google's going to build on the moon. It's still in the planning stages, but this is in fact 100% real. Be prepared, I'll bet the competition will be tough. (I'll bet Lance Bass was first in line to apply!) http://www.google.com/jobs/lunar_job.html
2. For those of you with Photoshop CS2- select Help->About Photoshop while pressing Ctrl (sorry, I don't know if there is a Mac equivalent) for a fun surprise!
3. Have you ever been puzzled over what kind of gift to give the ninja who has everything? Why 3 is a magic number? How they came up with the "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" script? Look no further. Ask a ninja! http://askaninja.com/
4. Aurgasm. I love just about everything posted. The contributors have flawless musical taste. Check it out, download your favorites! http://aurgasm.us/

Protect Yourself

I'm learning a lot about "at-will" firing a little late in the game. I had the crazy notion that as long as I performed well and gave no reason for disciplinary action, my job was safe. This was not the case.

Without a contract, a company can fire you for any reason without warning. There are laws preventing a company from firing based on race, age, sex, religion, marital status, or pregnancy (curiously, most states have NOT added sexual preference to the list yet), but what is to stop an employer from discriminating under the guise of "at-will"? If employers are not required to give any reason for firing non-contract labor, who is protecting those employees' rights?

About a year ago, 20 employees at a Michigan company with a no-smoking policy lost their jobs because a tobacco detection test revealed that they smoked cigarettes on their time off. I'm not a big fan of smoking, but I believe that an employee's off-time hobbies and habits (legal ones, at least) should not be just cause for termination. (Keep in mind that -along with California- Michigan has the strictest, most progressive labor laws in the nation.)

I had no idea that such practices were still allowed until I found myself the victim of a similar situation. Beware of small companies- the fewer levels of management, the easier it is to discriminate without reprisals. Larger companies also tend to have some sort of "good faith" policy in the handbook that will protect you in court. Most of all, protect yourself and ask for a contract. I know I will.

Weekend Update

Ughhhh. Fine, I'll at least pretend to make an effort. If I had anything to say about my life, I'd write about it. But I don't. So there.

The quick update:

Completely pathetically unemployed, drain on society, etc.

Writing a book. Have not made it past first chapter. No idea what it's about.

Spending excessive amount of time using the only talents I have- picking tiny bits of quartz out of my driveway with tweezers for giant mosaic table-top and untangling big ball of string.

Also spending much time marauding. Recently named captain by first mate, the dread pirate Rainbow Jane. Looking for fearsome pirate captain name and crew.

Moonlighting as a mermaid.

Joined the Mystic Order of the Toileteers.

That's about it. Until next time, goodbye, goodbye good friend, goodbye!

Ouchie!

Today I'd like share a quick bit of helpful advice: never pick up a dead yellowjacket.

It might not be dead. It might sting the tip of your finger. Your fingertips contain more nerve endings than any other part of your body and are virtually fat-free. (Those of you with tattoos know what I'm talking about!) If you find yourself in a situation where a child is freaking out about a dead bee, wasp, hornet, or yellowjacket and you feel the urge to give them a biology lesson...make sure it really is dead before you handle it. And whatever you do, do not under any circumstance say something like, "Don't worry, it's dead. It can't sting me. Here, I'll show you!" That's a traumatic situation waiting to happen. If you decide to completely disregard my advice, I highly recommend keeping a small bottle of prescription strength 800 mg ibuprofen in the house. You're going to need it.

Of course, I would never do something that stupid.

I'm going to keep this entry short and sweet. It's hard to type with only one hand. :)

Well, I Can't "Spoil" the Plot if There Isn't One...

Tonight I saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest. Now, before I say anything about it, permit me one small digression...

In my experience, part two of any trilogy is almost always the weakest link. It has no beginning and no end. You can't even judge part two fairly until you see how it relates to part three. It's the cinematic Jan Brady.

Two trilogies come to mind when I think of really bad middle movies: The Matrix and Star Wars Episodes I-III.

"The Matrix" was an amazing cinematic achievement. All of the right characters and effects came together in the right story to make pure movie magic. It blew me away. It blew everyone away. Then "The Matrix: Reloaded" came out. I tried not to set my expectations too high... but it wasn't even in the same ballpark as the original "Matrix". I had hoped that by some miracle, "The Matrix: Revolutions" would right all of the wrong in "Reloaded"... and it didn't. The magic was gone.

No movie in my lifetime has been as highly anticipated as "Star Wars Episode I". It was doomed to failure for that reason alone. For all that it lacked, Darth Maul was pretty cool, the lightsaber fights were pretty cool, and the die-hard fans were willing to put up with a lot in that first movie...I mean, hell, it's Star Wars! When Episode II came around, my expectations were slightly higher. I was hoping for a darker, more dramatic story more in line with "The Empire Strikes Back". Ugh. I can't even think about that movie without cringing. After that, I was honestly scared to see Episode III. I didn't want Lucas to mess up Darth Vader. BUT (miraculously) it didn't suck. In fact, Episode III was pretty damn good. Perhaps under different directing with a better script, it could have been "great". The moral of this story is even though part one was "ify" and part two was terrible, I walked away from that trilogy with a smile on my face.

Bringing me back to "Dead Man's Chest". I wanted to like it. I really, really wanted to like it. It was one of those terrible middle movies. Possibly one of the worst I have ever seen, purely because of poor storytelling. The acting and visual effects are spot-on. It's just missing a plot... character development... a purpose... AN ENDING! I drove home scratching my head. This may be the very first sequel I've ever seen where NOTHING was resolved in any way, shape or form. I like a good "cliffhanger" ending. This movie doesn't end, it simply stops.

Beyond the complete lack of a substantial story, there were so many little, obvious issues, I honestly can't see how part three can explain them all away. For instance, the monkey is still undead. Why is the monkey still undead? The curse was lifted- the first movie made it quite clear that EVERYONE'S blood was necessary to lift the curse (hence the importance of Will). Grrr... the monkey shouldn't be undead. :)

I really, really, really, really, really wanted this movie to be good. I didn't expect it to be as good as the original, but I still wanted it to have some of the same charm. If you go to see it, go to see Johnny and Orlando run around with swords while looking manly. It's a three hour preview for Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

With any luck, in that installment, we'll get swashbuckling over an erupting volcano instead of thousands of identical Jack Sparrows.