I've decided to follow Jamie's lead and start cleaning unnecessary things out of my life. While in most cases, that is a healthy and reasonable thing to do, for me it means stopping just shy of taking a scalpel to my brain and cutting out certain chunks of memory. I need to learn to be ok with making mistakes and moving on, but folks, it ain't gonna happen anytime soon.
Yes, I have a complex. Yes, I am completely, insanely obsessed with being perfect all the time. And I don't care. I like perfection, even if perfection means having a shiny, white exterior and rotten slop underneath. As long as no one sees it, is it really there?
Sometimes I'm a real idiot. My self-esteem is low enough already without looking back and groaning at my own stupidity.
Then again, I'm discovering that some of the things I tried to throw away or bury nearly ten years ago are resurfacing... and I feel very differently about those things now. I'm finally letting myself look at old memories with the eyes of an adult, and it's just different. I can step into the other person's shoes. I can see where some of the heartache was my own fault. I've learned to forgive and accept.
Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool
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