I've decided to follow Jamie's lead and start cleaning unnecessary things out of my life. While in most cases, that is a healthy and reasonable thing to do, for me it means stopping just shy of taking a scalpel to my brain and cutting out certain chunks of memory. I need to learn to be ok with making mistakes and moving on, but folks, it ain't gonna happen anytime soon.
Yes, I have a complex. Yes, I am completely, insanely obsessed with being perfect all the time. And I don't care. I like perfection, even if perfection means having a shiny, white exterior and rotten slop underneath. As long as no one sees it, is it really there?
Sometimes I'm a real idiot. My self-esteem is low enough already without looking back and groaning at my own stupidity.
Then again, I'm discovering that some of the things I tried to throw away or bury nearly ten years ago are resurfacing... and I feel very differently about those things now. I'm finally letting myself look at old memories with the eyes of an adult, and it's just different. I can step into the other person's shoes. I can see where some of the heartache was my own fault. I've learned to forgive and accept.
Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool
Friday, September 22, 2006
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Edit!
I realized today that I need to make a small change to one of my answers in the Jme interview. Question #10- I said that Bono and I would write song about snow while living in our igloo. Do I know Bono at all??? We would write songs about the oppression of the Inuit people, not songs about snow!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
10 Questions By Jamie
1. What do you think you were in a past life, if you in fact believe in past lives at all?
I was going to answer this with a joke, but I guess I'll answer it seriously. While I don't believe in standard reincarnation, I do believe that the souls of those who have passed reach out to certain people more than others. Sometimes I feel like I understand certain events in history with a little too much clarity. I like to entertain the possibility that those who are long dead can still "touch" us with their memories.
2. When do you think the defining "Aleisha/Jamie" moment was?
For me, it's a toss up between stealing the boys couch and redecorating Mike's door with masking tape. Making the Jacko door gets an honorable mention.
3. Who is the least useful? Justin Timberlake, Paris Hilton, or Bob Barker?
Gotta be Paris Hilton. Justin is a prick, but he has talent and Bob convinced me to have my cat spayed.
4. Do you still dream about winning a Grammy in the shower with the V05 Bottle?
No...actually my new dream in the shower is to have the luxury of a bottle of V05.
5. Right now, you are given the chance - all expenses paid - to go live anywhere in the world and do anything you want for the rest of your life...Where do you go? What do you do?
I will go to Rome, where I meet a handsome Italian nobleman. I'll spend my days reading classic literature, buying watercolor paintings from street vendors, and hanging out at the Colosseum. I'll spend my evenings at dinner parties dripping with diamonds, wearing designer gowns, and winning the crowd over with my wit and charm.
6. If you had to live in any Tim Burton movie, which would it be and why?
I would live in Spektre (Big Fish) before it is destroyed. I'd never have to wear shoes again, there are mermaids in the lake, and Steve Buscemi is the resident poet- what more can you ask for?
7. What is the breakfast of champions, as far as you're concerned?
Anything with a glass of Mountain Dew.
8. Is the trend of writers reinventing Austen and Bronte classics into tawdry quasi-porn the result of their being so engrossed with the novels, they want more, or the result of the readers of these novels being a bunch of lonely single women? Do married women read Austen after they're married or is it a single girl thing? Please explain.
Here's my theory: All of the original writers knew exactly what kind of man would make the "perfect catch" and immortalized him on paper. Let's face it, normal guys look pretty pathetic compared to the Darcys, Brandons, Rochesters, and Knightlys of the world. So now all these disillusioned married women with less than perfect catches of their own write steamy sequels based on what their "fantasy husband" would be like. Personally, I think they need to look into Viagra instead of writing trash based on my favorite novels. As far as normal people reading Austen after they're married- yeah, I don't see why not. I imagine that after I'm married, I'll look back at the kind of things that happen in those stories and smile... just the same way I can laugh at all the typical teenage escapades Harry Potter and co. find themselves in.
9. *Pretentious question alert* Which artist (in any genre, I'd be a fool if I narrowed it to 'painter' - 'writer' - whatever) has had the greatest influence on your personal art. Marilyn Manson is influenced by Dali...and Marc Jacobs loves some Rufus Wainwright....Who or what fuels your fire?
Hmm...I can't really narrow it down to one inspiration. Tim Burton inspires my stylization and my macabre sense of humor. Yariv Gabler/Charles Infante's work on the "Crash and Burn" music video appeals to my sense of color and concept. John Williams and Danny Elfman help me imagine. Bono encourages me to give my work a soul. Dickens reminds me to make sure that everything connects. Joss Whedon lets me revel in my geekiness. Chopin makes me grateful for the gift of creating without fear. But Jamie is my muse!
10. You have a choice.
A) Spend a year in an igloo with Bono.
B) Spend an hour on a desert island with Josh Holloway.
C) Spend a month in a cabin in the mountains with Darren Hayes.
What do you choose? Why? How would you spend your time?
That's a tough call. I would have picked Darren in a cabin, but I have a feeling his new husband would put a damper on our relationship. I'll happily take Bono and a parka. We will talk about Africa and God, and write songs about snow.
I was going to answer this with a joke, but I guess I'll answer it seriously. While I don't believe in standard reincarnation, I do believe that the souls of those who have passed reach out to certain people more than others. Sometimes I feel like I understand certain events in history with a little too much clarity. I like to entertain the possibility that those who are long dead can still "touch" us with their memories.
2. When do you think the defining "Aleisha/Jamie" moment was?
For me, it's a toss up between stealing the boys couch and redecorating Mike's door with masking tape. Making the Jacko door gets an honorable mention.
3. Who is the least useful? Justin Timberlake, Paris Hilton, or Bob Barker?
Gotta be Paris Hilton. Justin is a prick, but he has talent and Bob convinced me to have my cat spayed.
4. Do you still dream about winning a Grammy in the shower with the V05 Bottle?
No...actually my new dream in the shower is to have the luxury of a bottle of V05.
5. Right now, you are given the chance - all expenses paid - to go live anywhere in the world and do anything you want for the rest of your life...Where do you go? What do you do?
I will go to Rome, where I meet a handsome Italian nobleman. I'll spend my days reading classic literature, buying watercolor paintings from street vendors, and hanging out at the Colosseum. I'll spend my evenings at dinner parties dripping with diamonds, wearing designer gowns, and winning the crowd over with my wit and charm.
6. If you had to live in any Tim Burton movie, which would it be and why?
I would live in Spektre (Big Fish) before it is destroyed. I'd never have to wear shoes again, there are mermaids in the lake, and Steve Buscemi is the resident poet- what more can you ask for?
7. What is the breakfast of champions, as far as you're concerned?
Anything with a glass of Mountain Dew.
8. Is the trend of writers reinventing Austen and Bronte classics into tawdry quasi-porn the result of their being so engrossed with the novels, they want more, or the result of the readers of these novels being a bunch of lonely single women? Do married women read Austen after they're married or is it a single girl thing? Please explain.
Here's my theory: All of the original writers knew exactly what kind of man would make the "perfect catch" and immortalized him on paper. Let's face it, normal guys look pretty pathetic compared to the Darcys, Brandons, Rochesters, and Knightlys of the world. So now all these disillusioned married women with less than perfect catches of their own write steamy sequels based on what their "fantasy husband" would be like. Personally, I think they need to look into Viagra instead of writing trash based on my favorite novels. As far as normal people reading Austen after they're married- yeah, I don't see why not. I imagine that after I'm married, I'll look back at the kind of things that happen in those stories and smile... just the same way I can laugh at all the typical teenage escapades Harry Potter and co. find themselves in.
9. *Pretentious question alert* Which artist (in any genre, I'd be a fool if I narrowed it to 'painter' - 'writer' - whatever) has had the greatest influence on your personal art. Marilyn Manson is influenced by Dali...and Marc Jacobs loves some Rufus Wainwright....Who or what fuels your fire?
Hmm...I can't really narrow it down to one inspiration. Tim Burton inspires my stylization and my macabre sense of humor. Yariv Gabler/Charles Infante's work on the "Crash and Burn" music video appeals to my sense of color and concept. John Williams and Danny Elfman help me imagine. Bono encourages me to give my work a soul. Dickens reminds me to make sure that everything connects. Joss Whedon lets me revel in my geekiness. Chopin makes me grateful for the gift of creating without fear. But Jamie is my muse!
10. You have a choice.
A) Spend a year in an igloo with Bono.
B) Spend an hour on a desert island with Josh Holloway.
C) Spend a month in a cabin in the mountains with Darren Hayes.
What do you choose? Why? How would you spend your time?
That's a tough call. I would have picked Darren in a cabin, but I have a feeling his new husband would put a damper on our relationship. I'll happily take Bono and a parka. We will talk about Africa and God, and write songs about snow.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Life List
Boooyah! Very few people will think this is cool at all, but in typical rural-girl style, I think it's the coolest... today I learned how to drive a Bobcat All-Wheel Steer Loader!!! (It's like a mini-bulldozer.) I disturbed the men for a moment- they were busily making roads through the woods (most convenient for cross-country skiing!) for a quick lesson in excavation. I had a blast! Next thing you know, I'll be wearing tan work boots and a hardhat.
Anyway, the moral of the story (for those of you not interested in heavy machinery) is that I believe that trying new things is essential to living a full and interesting life. The concept of the "Life List" has become very popular lately. I've had one for a long time, so in honor of my new Bobcat skills, I thought I might share it.
Things To Do Before I Die:
- Go spelunking- not "tourist" spelunking, but the real deal.
- Design a piece of jewelry and have it made.
- See an opera in Sydney
- Write a book and have it published.
- Visit Rome and Greece.
- Be involved in a movie, somehow- as an extra or whatever.
- See a Broadway musical in NYC.
- Give a lecture.
- Ride a mechanical bull.
- Go skydiving, rip-cording, bungee jumping...
- Overcome my fear of snakes.
- Learn to play the guitar better.
- Organize and get funding for a humanitarian project.
- Climb a few pyramids/temples- Mayan, Aztec, and Egyptian.
- Go snorkeling on Molokai.
- Cover every inch of every Smithsonian museum.
- Go to a renaissance festival.
- Go to Comic-Con or other convention.
- Pet a tiger. (I've petted a lion before!)
- Eat one meal that costs at least half a week's wages.
- Go to Christmas Eve mass at St. Peter's.
- Take a cruise.
- Ride a camel.
- Learn how to fence.
- Play tennis at a country club. Laugh hysterically afterwards.
- Have a picture taken of self in tank, fighter jet, space shuttle or something equally funny.
- Have a "library" in my house- even if it's just a walk-in closet filled with books.
- Get front-row tickets to an arena concert.
- Read every "noted" classic.
That's what I have so far. I don't plan on keeping track of numbers- this will never be my "100 Things to Do Before I Die" or anything like that, and I plan on adding things to it for the rest of my life. I don't like the idea of having a finite laundry list that I check off as I go... for me, this is more of a list of values and a reminder to be adventurous in my own way. I plan on having lots of great stories to tell my grandchildren.
Anyway, the moral of the story (for those of you not interested in heavy machinery) is that I believe that trying new things is essential to living a full and interesting life. The concept of the "Life List" has become very popular lately. I've had one for a long time, so in honor of my new Bobcat skills, I thought I might share it.
Things To Do Before I Die:
- Go spelunking- not "tourist" spelunking, but the real deal.
- Design a piece of jewelry and have it made.
- See an opera in Sydney
- Write a book and have it published.
- Visit Rome and Greece.
- Be involved in a movie, somehow- as an extra or whatever.
- See a Broadway musical in NYC.
- Give a lecture.
- Ride a mechanical bull.
- Go skydiving, rip-cording, bungee jumping...
- Overcome my fear of snakes.
- Learn to play the guitar better.
- Organize and get funding for a humanitarian project.
- Climb a few pyramids/temples- Mayan, Aztec, and Egyptian.
- Go snorkeling on Molokai.
- Cover every inch of every Smithsonian museum.
- Go to a renaissance festival.
- Go to Comic-Con or other convention.
- Pet a tiger. (I've petted a lion before!)
- Eat one meal that costs at least half a week's wages.
- Go to Christmas Eve mass at St. Peter's.
- Take a cruise.
- Ride a camel.
- Learn how to fence.
- Play tennis at a country club. Laugh hysterically afterwards.
- Have a picture taken of self in tank, fighter jet, space shuttle or something equally funny.
- Have a "library" in my house- even if it's just a walk-in closet filled with books.
- Get front-row tickets to an arena concert.
- Read every "noted" classic.
That's what I have so far. I don't plan on keeping track of numbers- this will never be my "100 Things to Do Before I Die" or anything like that, and I plan on adding things to it for the rest of my life. I don't like the idea of having a finite laundry list that I check off as I go... for me, this is more of a list of values and a reminder to be adventurous in my own way. I plan on having lots of great stories to tell my grandchildren.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Rockstar: Supernova
Reality shows are one of my favorite vices. BUT, I should not be allowed to watch them, for I am cursed. If I like someone on a show, they will not win. That's just how it goes. For example, I've been watching Rockstar:Supernova this summer. Last night was the finale, and I wasn't worried about who won- I loved three out of the four finalists. I would have purchased a CD with anyone on it except of course...Lukas, who won. Ugh. His voice sounds a lot like a cat in heat being strangled to death. How the hell did he win against three people who actually have talent? It's beyond my ability or desire to comprehend.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Haunted
So... I was editing a video the other day- it's a music video for Darren Hayes' "Void" (you can see it in its finished form at youtube- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj1GZG09-4c) and I noticed something a little..strange.
This is a screen shot of the individual frames. (Keep in mind, I was home alone.) What the hell is that big black thing??? I keep telling myself it's a bug... but it doesn't look like a bug, does it? I must admit that I'm slightly creeped out. What's next? Aleisha the ghost whisperer? ...And all along, I just thought I was a paranoid schizophrenic.
This is a screen shot of the individual frames. (Keep in mind, I was home alone.) What the hell is that big black thing??? I keep telling myself it's a bug... but it doesn't look like a bug, does it? I must admit that I'm slightly creeped out. What's next? Aleisha the ghost whisperer? ...And all along, I just thought I was a paranoid schizophrenic.
Friday, September 08, 2006
I Want to Live Liiiiiiike Animals!
It has come to my attention that I have not been blogging enough lately. Hmm. I've just ...been ...so ...busy...
Who am I kidding?
Even though my summer "off" was not of my doing and happened despite all of best efforts to find a new job (60+ applications, people!) I'm beginning to see what a blessing in disguise it has been. I needed to get back in touch with myself. I needed to reevaluate my values and my goals. I only have one question left:
Why does spending a summer of seclusion and self-discovery turn an otherwise career-minded person into a flower-child???
It happened to Karen at Tanuga, and now it's happening to me...
I suddenly realized (somewhere between sun-drying the sweet pea seeds I collected and am selling at an upcoming flea market and climbing a tree to pick cherries) that in the last two months, I have completely forsaken "worldly" things and am wearing an uncommonly high number of peasant skirts. And I'm listening to a lot of Loreena McKennitt and Bob Dylan. Fine, I admit I've been listening to John Denver too. And I've been skipping through open fields in my bare feet, picking blackberries as I go. And I haven't worn a bit of make-up in a good month. And I'm happiest I've been in years.
For those of you who are worried about Desmond, don't. I still spend just as much time with him now as ever. Maybe more. I just spend what would normally be work time running around like a crazy lady.
I want to run through the jungle, the wind at my hair and the sand at my feet!!
Speaking of animals, I have to mention that Steve Irwin's death really effected me more than I would have thought. Did you ever have one of those obnoxiously huge boxes of Crayola crayons with all the crazy names and colors? I feel like I just lost the one called "mac n cheese". Why couldn't I have lost "green-yellow" or "yellow-green"? They weren't fun anyway. The creamy orange "mac n cheese" crayon made the best pictures. Steve was one of those "crazy crayons". He's gone, and my picture still needed more orange. (All of you crayon aficionados get my metaphor!)
Who am I kidding?
Even though my summer "off" was not of my doing and happened despite all of best efforts to find a new job (60+ applications, people!) I'm beginning to see what a blessing in disguise it has been. I needed to get back in touch with myself. I needed to reevaluate my values and my goals. I only have one question left:
Why does spending a summer of seclusion and self-discovery turn an otherwise career-minded person into a flower-child???
It happened to Karen at Tanuga, and now it's happening to me...
I suddenly realized (somewhere between sun-drying the sweet pea seeds I collected and am selling at an upcoming flea market and climbing a tree to pick cherries) that in the last two months, I have completely forsaken "worldly" things and am wearing an uncommonly high number of peasant skirts. And I'm listening to a lot of Loreena McKennitt and Bob Dylan. Fine, I admit I've been listening to John Denver too. And I've been skipping through open fields in my bare feet, picking blackberries as I go. And I haven't worn a bit of make-up in a good month. And I'm happiest I've been in years.
For those of you who are worried about Desmond, don't. I still spend just as much time with him now as ever. Maybe more. I just spend what would normally be work time running around like a crazy lady.
I want to run through the jungle, the wind at my hair and the sand at my feet!!
Speaking of animals, I have to mention that Steve Irwin's death really effected me more than I would have thought. Did you ever have one of those obnoxiously huge boxes of Crayola crayons with all the crazy names and colors? I feel like I just lost the one called "mac n cheese". Why couldn't I have lost "green-yellow" or "yellow-green"? They weren't fun anyway. The creamy orange "mac n cheese" crayon made the best pictures. Steve was one of those "crazy crayons". He's gone, and my picture still needed more orange. (All of you crayon aficionados get my metaphor!)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
