One Down...

Four to go!

http://www.istockphoto.com/file_closeup.php?id=4944130

Feelin' Artistic... FINALLY!

Tonight I fully, fully intend to paint. My office walls are in desperate need of some lovin', and I haven't cracked out a canvas in a good year and a half. Maybe more. I'm thinking "red". Red with a touch of gold foil, just because. Just because it will CLASH with the robin's egg blue paint that adorns my office walls. :)

I'll post pictures as soon as it's finished.

I also intend to get my butt in action and start working on more vector art for istock. I've been seriously slacking. In the last year, I've submitted eight files?? I've made a grand total of 40 bucks? If only I'd gotten my act in gear and submitted more...

So, my pre-New-Years-Resolution is to submit 5 more files between now and January 1. Probably won't happen, but a girl can dream. :)

I'm also working on my application to submit raster illustrations, so that's cool. I'll let you know how that works out. :)

No, Really, I'm Still Alive!

Yes, I disappeared for a while. Partly, I've been busy with work. Partly, I have a social life. (Scratch that, I'm madly, crazily, stupidly in love.) Simply put, I'm overextended in every respect and the blog has been near the bottom of my to-do list.

I'm still overextended- so much so that I've given up on ever going home or sleeping again, and am spending the next three hours of down-time barricaded in my office with a quesadilla, a coke, and the pure joy of digital imaging.

Here's my life in pictures:


My office wall...


Giant foam versions of my vector trees...


Pretty lights...


A staircase?


My ridiculous cat... (Ok, so you can tell from the lack of snow that I took this picture about 2 months ago.)


Christmas cookies...

Hmmm... my life consists of a lot of working? I guess that's an accurate representation. I do spend all my time running around with a headset, pretending to be a director, or editing on my supercomputer, so I really can't complain. It's a nice gig. :)

A Bit of Random Happiness

Wade Robson, I'm sure you're a horrible prick, but last night, I decided that I kind of love you anyway.

And I'm falling in love with "Pushing Daisies".

And Joss Whedon can still make me smile.

And I don't have anything to feel down about, which is a real first for me.

Faeries!

I just finished reading "Faeries"- written and illustrated by Brian Froud and Alan Lee. If you don't recognize their names, Mr. Froud was responsible for the production design of "The Labyrinth" and "The Dark Crystal" and Mr. Lee was one of the production designers that worked on the LOTR trilogy. I expected great things, of course. :) They didn't let me down- it's pure, whimsical fun. And I'm completely inspired to start painting again.

Becoming Jane

...was a lot better than I thought it would be. I heard a lot of criticism about the biographical inaccuracies, but personally, they didn't bother me. Jane didn't do anything out of character, and hey, it's a movie, not a documentary. I liked how the people in her life were written to be reminiscent of her characters. Overall, I liked it.

By "I liked it", I mean that I cried through the last twenty minutes and left the theater with a sinking feeling that my life may very well follow that same pattern. I might be able to attain some kind of professional greatness... and live a short, lonely life? In real life, good characters don't always come to good ends.

Anyway, I think I'll pick up my beautiful 1950 edition of "Pride and Prejudice" and read it for the hundredth time.

Little Wonders

I've discovered that Rob Thomas is my break-up singer. If it isn't "3AM", it's "If You're Gone", or "Leave", or "Soul", or "When the Heartache Ends". I always end up feeling like, "See? Rob Thomas gets it!" (I think I should make that my motto... I use it a lot. No matter what it is, Rob ALWAYS gets it.)


let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don’t you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these are little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don’t mind
if it’s me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it’s the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these are little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away somehow
but I can not forget
the way I feel right now

in these small hours
these are little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but yeah, these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
they still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

Beautiful Disaster

I'm not really sure what inspired this, but yesterday's post made me realize that a lot of my friends and relatives have never actually heard me sing... which is weird because it was such a big part of my childhood. Anyway, I figured I'd pop an mp3 up on the internet and invite people to listen. I'm a little flat, but I didn't feel like re-recording it. :) You might want to put your fingers in your ears after 20 seconds. Ha! Enjoy!

(The flash player does not want to embed itself in my blog.)
> Beautiful Disaster

100 MORE Things About Me

I was in the mood to make a list. Presenting "100 MORE Things You Never Needed to Know About Me But Will Waste Your Time Reading Anyway"

And if you want to check out the original list from waaaay back in November of 2005:

http://aleishaknight.blogspot.com/2005/11/100-things-about-me.html

1. I sang my first solo at church when I was five years old.
2. I wore the pink frilly flower girl dress that I wore to my Grandma's wedding.
3. After that, my parents had me perform in a lot of places.
4. I retired from my singing career at age 8 because my brothers made fun of me.
5. Part of me still wants to be a rock star.
6. Part of me still wants to be a ballerina, a movie star, or a figure skater too.
7. Sometimes when I'm home alone, I put my pointe shoes on and dance in my kitchen.
8. It's usually around Christmas, after I've watched The Nutcracker with my niece.
9. I'm not as flexible as I used to be.
10. I used to practice yoga a lot more than I do now.
11. One of my best memories is of meditating on Kaanapali Beach, Maui at 3:00am. (Ok, with the time change, it was like, 7:00am to me.)
12. I followed that up with climbing a volcano to watch the sunrise.
13. I listened to the Backstreet Boys' "Never Gone" album the whole way up. And I don't care what anyone thinks of that.
14. I still have a little bit of a crush on A.J. McLean.
15. I've always had a soft spot for the "bad boy" in all boy bands.
16. It's the muscles, tattoos, piercings, and creative facial hair.
17. When I was in third grade, it was all about Donnie Wahlberg.
18. A lot of girls at school didn't believe me when I told them that I was not related to Jordan and Jonathan.
19. For those of you wondering, I'm talking about the New Kids on the Block, and I didn't actually like their music.
20. But I enjoyed the Barbie-doll versions of them.
21. I would freak out if someone ever made a Barbie-doll likeness of me.
22. But an action figure would be cool. It would be like the She-Ra dolls, with combable hair and kung-fu action!
23. I had all the horses from the Princess of Power collection, but I didn't have any of the dolls?
24. No, I take that back. I had two identical She-Ra's. I wanted to be She-Ra.
25. But when I played with the boys, I was always Princess Leia or April O'Neil.
26. That usually meant that I got tied to a tree while they ran off and played without me.
27. I wouldn't mind learning how to handle a sword for real.
28. But I didn't take fencing in college because I thought I would look dorky in the outfit.
29. The only elective I ever took in college was web design.
30. Which is how I met Michael Carney, even though he lived across the hall from me, and all my roommates met him a week before when they played tennis or something.
31. I would have met him then too, except that I never showed up to college until the night before classes started. I'm a procrastinator.
32. I'll never forget the look of sheer panic on Mike's face when later that year, I asked him to take me on an emergency Kroger run because I'd run out of tampons. You'd think I was having a baby or something.
33. I think Jamie, Karen, Chris, Mike and I watched "Blue Lagoon" the night before. Which in my opinion, is the worst movie ever made.
34. Incidentally, I don't have a favorite movie.
35. But "Pride and Prejudice" is my all-time favorite book. I've read it more times than I care to admit.
36. Closely following are "The Giver" and "Jacob Have I Loved".
37. I also read a lot of books about the holocaust and slavery when I was in elementary school.
38. I was very passionate about human rights in 3rd-5th grade.
39. In 6th grade, I lost all interest in everything except boys.
40. But now I'm a proud member of the ONE Campaign to end AIDS and extreme poverty in Africa.
41. (Don't tell anyone, but I think I might still be more interested in boys...)
42. ANYWAY... on the last list, I promised an update on my experiences with ghosts, aliens, and yeti. I still don't believe in ghosts, I haven't been abducted, and I haven't run into any hairy monsters.
43. I even stayed in my Grandma's house for a week- before which, my aunt, uncle, cousin, his wife, and my Grandma all tried to convince me that they'd all seen ghosts there at night. I didn't see or hear a thing. And I think they're all crazy.
44. Although, when I was three or four, I liked to imagine that my Grandpa would come down from Heaven to kiss me goodnight when I stayed there.
47. During a really morbid phase in high school, I planned my own funeral. I still like my choice of hymns.
48. When I was a kid, vacationing on a beach in Florida, I had a nightmare about getting attacked by a shark and refused to go in the water the next day. The day after that, a girl was attacked by a shark on that very beach.
49. I used to have a serious fear of boats for no particular reason. One day it suddenly went away.
50. I hated the movie "Titanic". Ironically, the boat sinking was the only part I enjoyed.
51. I've always loved all other forms of transportation. Planes and trains really turn me on.
52. In high school, Karen, Jessica and I got bored in Calculus and made up a fake club dedicated to our love of flying. I made membership cards with cartoon pictures of us.
53. I drew a lot of cartoons in high school. My personal favorite was a book entitled "Justin Experiments with His Sexuality". Jessica and I made it for our Spanish buddy, Justin. I don't think he ever actually experimented with his sexuality.
54. I was a very snotty little teenager.
55. Well, I guess I'm still snotty, but now I cover it with a veneer of flirtation?
56. I'm honestly not sure if I'm really complicated or really one-dimensional.
57. I used to write songs, lyrics, and poems. They weren't very good.
58. I devote most of my time to reading instead of writing now. Someday, I want to have a little library in my house- with all my books and artwork. A nice place to curl up with a good story and a cup of coffee.
59. I LOVE bookstores. I love that I could never read everything in them. I love the endless possibilities, the new adventures waiting for me.
60. I've spent a lot of my life living inside of my own head because I'm frequently alone.
61. It bothers me a lot more than I've ever let on.
62. I had a lot of Pound Purries (they were stuffed cats) to keep me company when I was a kid. I still remember all of their names:
63. Snowball, Fluffy, Frizzy, Frisky, Fred, Creamy, Evening, Moonlight, Midnight, Otis, Tiger, Purr Purr, Warrior, Milo, and The Guy at the Lab (my cats and I solved murder mysteries!)
64. My true ambition in life was to be an archaeologist.
65. I gave up on that when I realized how much my schooling would cost and compared that to what my salary would be.
66. I'm slightly obsessed with Roman culture. I have a thing for relief sculptures. It's all about Trajan's Column.
67. I haven't been very good about taking the time to learn Latin. Believe it or not, I wanted to learn so that I could read classic texts in their original language.
68. I am such a geek!
69. Ha.
70. I'm kind of immature too.
71. It's no wonder I'm always confused. The fairy princess half of my personality doesn't mesh with the 13 year old boy part.
72. I secretly enjoy watching the Barbie movies with my niece. I always pretend that I don't want to get up and sing with her, but it's really fun! She likes the "Princess and the Pauper". I'm Erica because I'm a brunette, and she's Annelise because she's a blonde. :)
73. I've never really been to a "ball".
74. I went to my proms, but seriously, if they play "Tootsie Roll" it doesn't count.
75. Sometimes when I go to sleep, I hope for a second that this is all a dream, and that I actually live a much more magical life somewhere else. Someplace with a soundtrack written by Danny Elfman.
76. He's my favorite composer, by the way. I love "Ice Dance" from Edward Scissorhands.
77. I have a slight obsession with movie scores. I like that the music tells a story without saying a word.
78. My favorite artist is William-Adolphe Bouguereau.

79. Actually, my favorite myth is that of Cupid and Psyche too. (One of WAB's favorite subjects.)
80. I had an art professor who asked me to be a figure drawing model every day. They paid really well. I would have done if I didn't have to be totally naked.
81. I have a strange paranoia that if any naked pictures of me existed, I would invariably become famous and find them in a tabloid. The thought freaks me out.
82. Along those same lines, if I ever made a sex tape, my future children would invariably find it, watch it and be scarred for life. Oddly, that doesn't freak me out quite as much?
83. Ahem. I want to go parachuting. Just once. I don't want to press my luck.
84. Sometimes I feel like a used car that no one will buy. And dammit, I'm a great car!
85. I'm not very good at being patient.
86. I talk like a pessimist.
87. I have the heart of an optimist.
88. Oh, dammit, it's late and I didn't feel like doing this about ten bullet points up. I'll add more tomorrow. Maybe. :)

Sorry It's Vague...

Life is a confusing, complicated, beautiful, crazy, wretched, f*cked- up thing. And I think that God is just a little bit of a punk. I really do mean that in a loving way.

The last few days have been insane. There's been enough drama for a soap-opera. Enough coincidences and ironies for a Dickens novel. Enough heartbreak for Marianne Dashwood. Enough tears to fill an Olympic-sized pool.

But I survived. And I think I'm going to be ok? I don't know. I feel suddenly very calm and zen-like. I have heard that the body releases a certain chemical that calms you down right before you die...

You know, last September was really messed up too. Why is that? I think I need to go back in to see Maryannah for an update!

ANOTHER Photoblog!

Ha. Like I have anything to write about. Photoblog time! Again!





The Toldeo Musuem of Art. Love that place.



Having too much fun with an 18th century vanity set.



Still having too much fun with the vanity set...



Acres of world-famous masterpieces (including the very impressive Andy Warhol travelling collection) and I took a picture of the ceiling?

End of an Era

Yesterday, I finished reading "Deathly Hallows", and I must admit that I feel a little weird about it. Don't get me wrong, the book is fantastic and has a very satisfying ending. It just seems a little strange to be finished with the series. To a much smaller degree, it's similar to that "now what?" feeling you get when you graduate, break-up, move out, whatever.

Ha. How will life continue without a new Harry Potter to look forward to?

I guess I can redirect my anticipation back toward LOST.

Or I could start paying attention to my own life and spend a little less time obsessing over fictional stories?

You have got to be kidding me...

Amazon.com is notoriously bad at making recommendations, but today's email takes the cake:

"We've noticed that customers who have purchased or rated The Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King (Widescreen Edition) or other films in the Fantasy > General category have also purchased Seven Petals: Spanish for English Speakers on DVD. For this reason, you might like to know that Seven Petals: Spanish for English Speakers will be released on July 21, 2007. You can pre-order your copy by following the link below."

I own Lord of the Rings, so the natural conclusion is that I want to learn Spanish???? Did I get an email when "Children of Hurin" came out? Hell no, that would have made sense.

I'm blue, da ba di da ba die...

I really don't have much to say right now, but I was feeling bad about the fact that I've been a terrible blogger. It seems like the busier I get, the less I have to say. I realize that it doesn't make any sense, but I've come to terms with the fact that very few things in my life do.

Case in point: I'm reenergized about making a short film. I was driving home from work tonight, and the sky was a furious, marbled purple, which (for no particular reason) made me think, "Gee, I should get back to work on making a short."

Still haven't decided whether to write it myself or to outsource. I was thinking of getting some high school kids involved, but I have a slight teenager allergy...

And that made me think about my next music video, which led me back to the purple sky, which (for no particular reason) made me think, "Gee, I should make a video in duo-tone blue!" And lo, I immediately thought of a couple people who would look exceptionally good in duo-tone blue.

I let people think that I'm inspired. In reality, I'm just completely nuts.

I'm Back!

Whew! I'm finally back from my conference in Chicago. Even though I'm physically and mentally exhausted, I'm completely pumped to go out there and make some kick-ass videos.

A few points of interest: one of the speakers included a taped interview that she had with Bono as part of her presentation. I was in tears.

I saw a TON of people wearing either ONE gear, ONE bands or RED shirts. I was feeling the love!

Oh, and the information was really good too. Overall, I'm feeling inspired, rejuvenated, and ready to go make a difference as an artist!

I'll Warn You Now, This Doesn't Make Much Sense

As usual, I've fallen into a slump of non-blogging, which (oddly enough) seems to happen when my life gets more dramatic.

Well, my life is more dramatic. I'll spare you the details, and simply say that said drama is wonderfully scary and confusing. Emphasis on the confusing part. It turns out that I still have no freakin' clue what I want out of life, what I want to accomplish, where I want to be, or who I want to be with.

It's like, all your life, you think that you want a hot fudge sundae, and then a popsicle comes along, and you think... "You know what, popsicles are good- they aren't hot fudge sundaes, but who cares- it's all dessert, right?" So you try it, and realize that you hate popsicles. And then a fudge-dipped ice cream cone comes along, and you think "Great. It's chocolate, it's ice cream, we're getting closer!" So you try it, and realize that spoons are more important to you than you thought. So you decide that you're done... you want a hot fudge sundae, and you're going to keep looking until you find one. Then some jack-ass Morpheus character shows up and tells you that hot fudge sundaes don't actually exist... they're just a figment of your colorful subconscious. Part of you accepts this, and starts looking for the next best thing, while part of you still clings to your fantasy of warm chocolate and ice cream in a bowl, with a cherry on top. Where and when do you draw the line between "settling" and being realistic? When do you decide that it's better to pick something than to go hungry, endlessly searching for something that doesn't exist?

Another Photoblog!

I know, I never write in this thing anymore. I suck. Here's some pretty pictures:

Dazed and Confused

I'm at a point of pretty serious exhaustion, so if this doesn't make sense... if there are words missing... if it just stops mid-sentence

:) Forgive me. I know I've been MIA for a few weeks. I've been working my little butt off, and right now, my body is saying "no". On the other hand, my bed is encircled in a halo of golden light and there's a few angels or sirens sweetly urging me to flop down on it and sleep for at least 24 hours straight.

So this will just be important stuff: saw Spiderman 3. Good story, bad editing. What's up with Topher's hair? Were they purposely trying to confuse me by putting him and Toby in the same movie? How is post-deformation James Franco still the hottest guy in the flick??

There was one moment of true brilliance, and I'm giving all the credit to Mr. Danny Elfman. The "creation of Sandman" scene is surprisingly artistic and moving. It's like "sand dance" as opposed to "ice dance". No one writes scores for flying particles like my Danny boy.

And I just remembered that I need to burn 20 cds before I can sleep. Damn.

Makes Me Wonder

I'm sure you've all heard this story, but I'm going to tell it again. It's the summer of '04... I'm at the Palace of Auburn Hills for the first time, for a Matchbox 20 concert. It's HOURS before the start of the show. I see that one of the opening bands is a group called "Maroon 5". Never heard of them. I see the bus. I see the "Maroon 5" equipment van. I see the band. Do I go over and say hi? No, no. I say something like, "Eh, they're just an opening band. Opening bands usually suck. Why bother?"

Ahem. Well, after the first few drum strokes of "Harder to Breathe", I knew that I'd made one of "those" mistakes. I was dancing my little heart out to songs I'd never heard from a band I'd never heard of. Adam Levine is a hell of a singer. He's just as unbelievable in concert as on the album.

Anyway, after about three years, Maroon 5 is releasing another studio album later this month. If you haven't heard it, check out "Makes Me Wonder". Don't play it work...you won't be able to keep your butt in your seat. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=18842010

Yay! My First Download!

I had my first download at istock! I made a dollar! Woo! I have a slight suspicion that it was a mercy download from someone I know...

My self-confidence is staggering, isn't it?

Ha. In other news, I very nearly collided with a turkey on my way to work. I must say, I whipped out some pretty fancy steering to avoid it. Is it wrong that I was more concerned about the damage the turkey might have done to my car than the damage my car might have done to the turkey?

Finally (and this is by far the worst), the other day I got a letter in the mail, inviting me to join AARP. Apparently, I'm 50 or older on some database somewhere. These kinds of things only happen to me.

Garage Sale Season is Coming!

Yep. There's another illustration on istock: http://istockphoto.com/file_closeup/people_specific_attributes/body_parts/faces/3244426_red_female_face.php?id=3244426

And it's of me! Wee! (Ok, so it's a highly glamorized version of me. It's my picture. I can make myself as pretty as I want.)

I updated my website a little. Not much. Not much at all... but I updated it! :)

Someday, I really will get around to making a halfway decent site.

Ooh, on the way home from work, I noticed a lot of garage sale signs! I'm pretty excited- I love to dig through other people's old crap! (For those of you who are unaware, I'm a little crazy about antiques.) The used book sales are coming too! Woo!

Mosaic Dancer

I know, I know. This is going to get old, but I have another illustration on istock: http://www.istockphoto.com/file_closeup.php?id=3212709

You'll just have to bear with me until the initial excitement wears off. Or until I run out of illustrations and ideas.

On a totally separate note, I just want to quickly tell all the people out there making meth that I HATE their stinkin' guts and wish lots of nasty curses upon them and their great-great grandchildren, etc, etc.

On a similar note, I want to quickly tell all the people out there who make pseudoephedrine that I love them and wish a thousand blessings to shower down upon them.

Ha. I miss the good old days when buying sinus medicine didn't require a full background check.

Pink Girl's Face

My second illustration is up:
http://www.istockphoto.com/file_closeup.php?id=3225878

Yay!

And I FINALLY got my tires fixed.

Yay!

Moonlit Trees!

I did promise to post my first istock-approved submission, so here it is: http://www.istockphoto.com/file_closeup/when/nighttime/3197402_moonlit_forest.php?id=3197402

So far, it seems to be a hit. I have all great reviews. (Never mind that no one has downloaded it yet...) Ha. Give it a few weeks. :)

Well, anyway, I have more illustrations uploaded and awaiting approval, so I'll keep y'all posted as they become available.

Between work (YES... WORK!!!) and illustrating, I haven't had much time to do anything. To everyone I'm seemingly ignoring, I apologize. I'm still trying to figure all this new stuff out and "get into the groove".

Jessica, Jamie- I swear to God I haven't forgotten you. We will make your video. We will go to G's. I will call you. We will make glorious posters.

Music and Art

I rarely like itunes' "free single of the week" artists. I love to discover new musicians... and I love free music, but itunes generally is not the place to find either. Every week I give the new single a try- it is free after all, and then promptly delete it. Jon McLaughlin, and his free single "Beautiful Disaster" are terribly, terribly likable. This boy is going to be a star. Give him a listen: listen'>http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=6082022.

Say hello to istock's newest illustrator! (Ok, that's sort of a lie... I'm sure they've added like, 100 more illustrators since last week, so technically, I'm not the "newest" per se...)

Say hello to istock's 101st most recent illustrator!

I'm pretty psyched about the whole thing. Granted, I probably won't be making much money, but it's still cool to know that my work could potentially appear in designs all over the world. And hey, I'm drawing this stuff anyway. I might as well make some cash off my hobby.

Each piece has to go through a pretty long approval process, so I may not have anything on the site for a few weeks. As soon as something appears, I will post a link!

Day Trip!

We made it to the butterfly museum yesterday (and Chuck E Cheese's)... I didn't get any good pictures of butterflies, though. My camera's batteries were seriously dying, and butterflies tend to move a lot, so it didn't work out well. I couldn't keep my camera on for long periods, and the stupid insects wouldn't sit still. I did get some cute pictures of the kids, though.


(He's looking at a butterfly that didn't make it into the shot.)


And people wonder why I let her get away with murder...

Christian Bale is British? What?

It's Easter, and there's over two feet of fresh snow on the ground. Kids were hunting for eggs in their snowsuits. I'm not even going to say it. I've never seen an Easter with fresh snow... especially not in April. Not gonna say it. :)

I went "ghetto shopping" yesterday. I found an American Eagle bikini for $6, which is cool... but I also heard a call for "security to the shoe department" while I was standing in the shoe department. I know, I'm a snob. Blah, blah, blah. I don't enjoy shopping in buildings that should be condemned. I don't enjoy eating at restaurants that are teeming with health-code violations. Maybe some people get a kick out of that stuff, but not me. Give me shiny floors, dressing rooms that lock, and clean plates. Ugh. I've never found a mid-western city that I don't hate.

Ha... I just finished watching "The Prestige" (good movie, by the way) and couldn't remember Christian Bale's name to save my life. Had to imdb him... I had no idea that he's actually British! All this time, I thought he was American. You learn something new every day.

Ugh. I'm exhausted. I had a really, really disturbing dream last night about Nazis and a guy getting quartered in the street and I think Heath Ledger was there and he told me that he was Jewish so I took him to a carnival? I need to stop reading before bed.

Aleisha: Unleashed

Hmmm... so last night's Lost was kind of a let-down. We've had about four GREAT episodes in a row, so I should have known that it wouldn't last forever. Not much happened. Did anything happen last night, beyond a cat-fight and some mud wrestling?

Kick-ass-Jack of Season 1 & 3 has once again been replaced by whimpering-stupid-Jack of Season 2. Grrr. HATE that. And Juliet is Ana Lucia all over again. Did we really need another unsympathetic outcast on craphole island? Am I supposed to hate her? I think I'm supposed to feel sorry for her... Let's hope she gets "written out" in the season finale.

Forget last weeks' Lost theory. At this point, I'd really, really prefer to be completely wrong. Sayid may be the only character I don't hate at the moment. Oh, and Desmond, of course. He's just so darn cute, pensive and Scottish.

Hmm...I would LOVE for zombified Christian Shephard to come rampaging through camp, eating brains.

Why exactly do zombies eat brains, anyway? Who came up with that?

Hmmm... this little blizzard is making me cranky. I was planning on taking the kids to the butterfly exhibit at Frederick Meijer Gardens today. Didn't happen. Maybe next week? Ugh. I really hate Michigan sometimes.

What's Left Of Me

For some strange reason, at my lowest points, I always find comfort in power-pop-ballads. If it isn't the Backstreet Boys, it's Kelly Clarkson... or in this case, Nick Lachey. Though I have not had the pleasure of divorcing a press-obsessed blonde bimbo, this song is pretty much "it". I'm broken, I'm faded, I'm half of what I thought I would be... and whoever wants to, can have what's left of me.

More is disappearing every day.

Watched my life pass me by in the rearview mirror
Pictures frozen in time are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

Cause I want you and I feel you crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger, like a burnin to find a place I've never been
Now I'm broken, and I'm faded I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have what's left of me.

I've been dying inside little by little
Nowhere to go but goin' outta my mind
In endless circles runnin from myself until
You gave me a reason for standing still

And I want you and I feel you crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger, like a burnin to find the place I've never been
Now I'm broken, and I'm faded I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have what's left of me.

Fallin' faster barely breathing
Give me somethin to believe in
Tell me it's not all in my head
Take what's left of this man
Make me whole once again

Cause I want you and I feel you crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger, like a burnin to find the place I've never been
Now I'm broken, and I'm faded I'm half the man I thought I would be
You can have, all that's left, what's left of me

I've been dying inside you see
I'm goin outta my mind (outta my mind)
I'm just runnin' in circles all the time
Will you take what's left? -- of me
I'm just runnin' in circles in my mind
Will you take what's left?
Take what's left of me

Next Thing You Know, I'll Be Listening to Delilah

Jade came over yesterday, and we watched "Flushed Away" together... it's actually pretty funny for a kid's movie. It feels a little strange to hear Hugh Jackman and Ian McKellen fighting each other as a rat and a toad (respectively) instead of as mutants, but I'll get over it. LOVED the French frogs!

Le Frog: To action!
Henchfrogs: We surrender!
Le Frog: Not that action, you idiots! The kung-fu thing!

Toad: You find my pain amusing?
Le Frog: I find everyone's pain amusing, except my own... I'm French!

Le Frog: We leave immediately! [strides off screen]
Henchfrog #1: What about supper?
Le Frog: [strides back on screen] We leave in... five hours!

When not busy enjoying children's movies more than I should, I have been anxiously awaiting Josh Groban's appearance on "Dancing With the Stars". I am such a loser.

Tomorrow, I'm going to do something moderately cool, if it kills me.

Maybe I should get something pierced?

Maniac with a Scanner

Ha... my mom is really into genealogy, and I've been scanning pictures and documents for her for hours... I got a little bored and starting throwing random things sitting around me on the scanner bed. Some of them turned out kind of cool!

I'll Never Doubt Her Again

2:20, today
Me: Hey Mom, let's go for a walk!
Mom: Nope, it's "snake-weather".
Me: What? No, it isn't snake weather.
Mom: Yes it is. I went out on the porch a few minutes ago, and I felt it in the air. Snake weather. Go see for yourself.

2:25
Me: I went outside, and I'm quite sure it is not snake weather. It's too windy!
Mom: I don't think they care if it's windy.
Me: Sure they do. I only see snakes when it's very still and warm. Too windy. We won't see any!
Mom: .....
Me: Well, ok, I'm going for a walk either way. It's up to you.

2:30, about thirty feet from the door
Me: See? It isn't snake weather!
Mom: I'm going to kill you if we see one.
Me: Oh, we're not going to OH MY GOD! AHHHHH!!!

2:35, back inside the house
Me: I'm so sorry, don't kill me, please!
Mom: You should never doubt my intuition when it comes to snakes.

Yep, I'm Obsessed

I love Google. In case you missed it, check out this year's April Fool's spoof: http://www.google.com/tisp/install.html

It's pretty good. Almost as funny as last year's lunar base joke.

Random Lost thought: We've all noticed that the characters' names seem to have some significance- Jack Shephard in seat 23... John Locke/John Locke, Desmond David Hume/David Hume, and Danielle Rousseau/Jean-Jaques Rousseau (the historical philosophers were all British Empiricists, plus there's the whole tabula rasa thing)... I got to thinking about some of the less obvious names- like James "Sawyer" Ford. He's such a "Han Solo" character, do you suppose his last name is a wink and a nod to Harrison Ford? (Not to mention the fact that he has now called Hurley "Jabba", Jin "Chewie", and referred to the "wookiee prisoner gag".)

Second random Lost thought: I'm pretty psyched that this week is a "Kate" episode. I hope we finally get to see the rest of that breakfast conversation between her and Ben. I know that all reason is against me, but I suspect that she actually "picked" Jack, not Sawyer. When we see her after the breakfast, she is a shell of her former self- people on the message boards have been suggesting that it seemed like she had just been raped. Also, when she tells Sawyer that she doesn't love him- call me crazy, but I believed her. She was pissed. Then, in the next episode, she breaks the lock off of his cage to have sex with him instead of, oh, I don't know- escaping??? Finally, last week, we see Ben say to Juliet that he will get Jack to do the surgery by using his emotions against him. This is sick, but I'm thinking that Ben put Kate up to it-told her that if she didn't do what he wanted, he'd kill Sawyer. We'll see!

Of course, that's probably all wishful thinking on my part. Despite the fact that he can be a real jackass, I find myself quietly rooting for Jack... (Don't hurt me, Jamie!)

Awwhh, I Miss You Guys!

I think I'm coming out of my unibomber stage. Watch out. I know, I know. I've been distant. I've been a hermit. I've been plastering the walls of my cabin with newspaper articles and writing "DIE DIE DIE" all over with red paint. (Wait, ignore that last one!) I've spent three to four years reflecting on life, the universe and everything, and I think I've figured things out as much as I'm going to. Life: sucks. The universe: is big. Everything: (um...I'm about three weeks short of figuring this one out. Oh well.)

I was looking at my third-floor pictures the other day (thanks, Carney!) and missing everyone. I miss stealing couches. Duct-taping doors. Covering the boy's room with pictures of Justin Timberlake. J.Lo of Cracka What?. The park. Ryan hitting on everything female. John Carpenter movies. "Smooth Criminal". Our giant door-stop rock. "Anytime is Train Time". The totem pole and Karen's fan club. Getting kicked out of the Karen-Mike-Chris pool "club". The Barbie Gap... the cardboard boob... found objects... the cranberry/raspberry dilemma.

That was a magical time. :) Even though none of us will ever find anything like that again- the right people at the right time in the right place- I can't help feeling sad. I'd settle for a group of friends half as cool.

I'm going to make an effort to stay in touch (better) with everyone. I'm organizing a barbecue, dammit. And maybe I'll even try to meet some new people... ugh. I'm too old and lazy for this stuff!

Holy Crap.

I sincerely apologize to writers of LOST... I've been saying some pretty nasty things about the addition of Nikki and Paolo to this season's cast. I seem to remember calling it a "cop-out" (and worse!) numerous times.

That truly was one of the best hours of television, um- ever?!! I've never been so pleased to eat my words. That was so deliciously horrible, terrible...wonderful! (Evil laughter ensues.)

Obligatory Post

It's been ten days, I probably should post something...

I finished Zelda:Twilight Princess the other day. It's a good, solid game. Although, I've never met a Zelda that I didn't like. Swinging my wiimote around sword-style was a definite plus. My only criticism is that the end bosses were way too easy.

Still working on the new website... I've never been that "into" web design, and at the moment I'm lacking the ambition to do it. There are just so many other things to work on. And I keep asking myself "why"? I use two pages as a portfolio- those two pages are not public and are still operational, but what the heck am I going to put on my homepage???

Once I have something to promote, the website will be great. Until then, it's going to remain a lovely splash of marbles.

I'm still listening to early nineties alt-rock. My ipod is playing Deep Blue Something, The Gin Blossoms, Oasis, and The Verve... weird.

I Don't Care What They Say About Us Anyway...

Uh oh. It's one of those "loopy" days. After a night of extremely incoherent dreams (I was looking for my Ninja Turtles cassette???), I woke up with Weezer's "Buddy Holly" stuck in my head. I swear, I haven't thought about that song in at least ten years, and I wake up wailing "What's with these homies dissin' my girl?"??? :)

Later today, I'll probably be wearing a flannel shirt and some Umbros. (In retrospect, I was very lucky to have gone through all of middle and some highschool at a time history where "coolness" was proportionate to how dirty you looked...)

I'll take some good old fashioned grunge any day over this new "emo" crap that I just...do...not...get. Is it "goth"? Is it skater culture? I don't know! I'm officially on the other side of the new generation gap. I'm feeling it more and more every day.

This is what a quarter-life crisis feels like, isn't it?

Well, you'll have to excuse me for now. Kurt Cobain and Gavin Rossdale are calling my name.

Behind the Times

I realize that I'm about eleven years late... but I've just discovered that I love "Buffy"! I'm a big fan of Firefly and Serenity, so Karen suggested that I borrow her Season 1 DVD set. Smart girl. We love that Joss Whedon. I feel like an idiot for not having jumped on the wagon in, oh, 1996?

This makes me an even bigger geek, doesn't it?

My mom is pretty excited that I've started watching. She spent a lot of time watching marathons while my dad was in Toledo. She's quite the fan too!

Damn. This means I'm going to have to renew my Netflix subscription.

Oh, and I'd just like to take this moment to gloat about the fact that I totally called it on LOST- I've been saying that Claire is Jack's half-sister for months!!! I was FINALLY right about something!! Yay!!!

Become

Whew... well, I'm going down the list of things to do on the internet while waiting for my video to render. Right now, it's blog time.

Too bad I don't have anything to say, eh?

Um, the video I am currently working on is "Become" by the Goo Goo Dolls- the same video I mentioned yesterday. Karen still doesn't know what it is, so today (of course!) will probably be the first time she'll ever look at this. :) Of course.

It's progressing slowly. I wanted to do a little animation in this one- that's throwing a pretty major wrench in the works. I'll remember for the future: animation=not good for fast turnaround times.

And I wanted it to be my best work ever. See, it was supposed to be AMAZING, so amazing that somebody would see it on youtube and tell somebody who would alert somebody who would call me and ask me to work on the band's next video... Ha. :) Well, it was amazing when it was still inside my head!

It isn't my best work ever. It's a nice solid B+/A- video. And it just finished rendering.

Have I Mentioned Lately That I Love You?

Oh, Johnny Rzeznik. (Just give me a minute....)

Ok, so Karen and I went to the Goo Goo Dolls concert last night. I wish that I could be articulate and descriptive about the experience, but I only have one word: hot. Call me Paris if you will, but it left me pretty much speechless. The set list was perfect, the seats were good, Johnny couldn't have been cuter...

...And we had WAY too much fun with the opening band. They were "Augustana", and apparently I'm not cool enough to know who they are. The teenagers seemed to enjoy them though. Don't get me wrong, their songs were pretty good, but I couldn't take them seriously- they looked like "My First Rock Band"! Karen and I spent most of the set laughing at the bass guitarist's funny little strut and the rest laughing at the lead guitarist's hideous pants. They made me feel old.

Ha. Today I coerced poor Karen into starring in my next video. She's pretty sure this is going to be a repeat of the Britney cardboard cut-out incident, but I have assured her that it will be beautiful. You're all going to have to wait until it's finished to find out. :)

May The Force Be With You

Well folks, it's finally here. Yes, I've finally finished the highly-anticipated sequel to my popular "Power of the Dark Side" video, "The Force". This montage picks up where the first left off, featuring Episodes IV-VI. Like the movies themselves, my original trilogy video is way better than my prequel video.

I guess I should explain the eight-month gap between videos. I blame most of the delay on the music. Last time, I used a single operatic/orchestral/techno song with three even movements. It was perfect in every way. Shortly after finishing the first video, I started looking for a second operatic/orchestral/techno song with three movements that would convey the mood of the original series. Yeah, that didn't happen. It took most of the eight months to find three songs that "went" together, and sounded similar enough to the first video's music that someone could watch the two videos in a row if they wanted to.

Then I had file formatting issues. I won't bore you with them.

The actually editing process only took about 24 hours (straight!) Going through six-seven hours of film took a good chunk of time, and then working it all into a storyline and matching it to the music took the rest of the time. Once I finally got going, I was so hooked, that I couldn't do anything else. I have images of Mark Hamill permanently etched onto my retinas, but it was all worth it. :)

Of course, getting the stupid video to render perfectly took 8 hours of pure frustration. I could get a large, high-bitrate file to render perfectly... but getting a file small enough for youtube and myspace proved to be a challenge. I had to settle on a version that "skips", which I'm sure will annoy me more than it will ever annoy anyone else...

Oh, and I apologize in advance to all my fellow Sebastian Shaw fans. I know, I know. I own the wrong set of DVDs.

Anyway, without further ado... I proudly present "The Force".

Captain Tripps and the Pirates of Penzance

In the last two days, I've had two major accomplishments. On Wednesday, I saw my first opera. On Thursday, I finally finished "The Stand".

I've been a growing fan of the opera for the last couple of years. I'm not really sure why I like it so much- probably because it's so gosh-darn fun to sing along with when I'm alone in the car. (And I'm learning Italian!) Luckily I have good-natured friends and family who will go along with whatever odd thing I happen to be into. For Valentine's Day, my mom took me to see the Carl Rosa production of "The Pirates of Penzance" (second-row!). It was amazing. I love pirates, I love opera- so of course, I love them together! It was really cool to see such a highly-accomplished British cast perform a British opera. Rosemary Ashe and Steven Page completely stole the show as Ruth and the Pirate King. Now I just have to see Carmen and La Traviata and life will be complete.

Finishing "The Stand" doesn't seem like such a big accomplishment comparatively, does it? Well, I have a really nasty habit of getting halfway through a book, putting it down, and then never picking it back up again. I originally started reading it last summer- I read somewhere that the creators of LOST based some of the concept of the show on it. I got about a third of the way through... and started reading something else. Two weeks ago, I picked it up again. I can see where the most basic elements of LOST are similar. If the ending is the same, things are not going to turn out well for our poor lostaways... and I wanted Desmond to get home to Penny so badly...

Of course, my whole Star Wars theory is proving to be correct- they aren't even trying to hide it anymore. Using the old wookie-prisoner gag? And then CALLING it the "old wookie-prisoner gag"? Ha. Sawyer IS Han Solo. :)

Updates.

Ok, so I need to make two little updates to my raptures over the Wii.

One, though Nintendo announced that it will be selling games from older systems online, there aren't very darn many there yet. I'm sure they will show up eventually, but I was disappointed in the limited selection (so far).

Two, I am in really bad shape. I have a very sore arm from playing WiiSports too vigorously the last few days.

In other news, my mommy bought me the Hallmark Josh Groban CD as a valentine. I've been listening to the title song, "With You" over and over and over and over...

It almost makes me miss the days of driving Chris crazy with my "Drowning" marathons. :) Awhh, those were the good old days.

Oh, and tomorrow, I'm going to see my first opera! Second row tickets, baby!! I get to cross two things off of my life list!

Wii Will Rock You!

I was always a loyal Nintendo player... that is, until the Playstation 2 came along. It had better games... it was backwards compatible... and seven years ago, it was by far the most advanced gaming system out there. Despite my love for Nintendo systems, I chose the PS2 over the Game Cube. And I wasn't alone. As the PS2 and X-Box grew in popularity, Nintendo's market share began a plummet into oblivion. I never expected them to make a recovery, let alone a comeback- I never expected the Wii!

First of all, the price won me over. I'm a hard-core gamer, but I can't justify spending $400-$600 for a new system. Wii underbids both the PS3 and XBox 360 at a reasonable $250. Second, the Wii-mote is both novel and user-friendly. I had some concerns about how the remote-style controller would work in normal game play... I guess I'd forgotten that I've been uselessly swinging my controllers around for years. Nothing could feel more natural. Finally, it's backwards-compatible to the extreme. Folks, we can trash our cartridges and roms- every game ever made by Nintendo can be purchased online and downloaded. I can't wait to play my old favorites with a proper controller instead of a keyboard! (Chrono Trigger, I've missed you!)

I also highly recommend Zelda: Twilight Princess, if only for the fact that I'm having a hell of a good time swinging my sword around. I was concerned when Link first showed up in sandals... but it's all good now. :)

Full Of Grace

I heard this song for the first time last night, and it was perfect:

The winter here’s cold, and bitter
It’s chilled us to the bone
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks
To long, too far from home
I feel just like I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go

If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love

So it’s better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we say and do
Hurts us all the more
Its just that we stayed too long
In the same old sickly skin
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go

If all of the strength
And all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace

I know I could love you much better than this
It's better this way

Welcome to the Dark Ages

I've never believed that global climate changes are man-made. First of all, there's the fact that volcanic and solar activity are a much more probable explanation. Second, making assertions about a 4.5 billion year process based on only 100 years of data is flat-out bad science. In no circumstance would 0.00000002% be considered a large enough sample size. To put that in perspective, let's apply the same proportion to the population of the Earth- 6/3.5 billion people. Could a drug company get a medicine approved after testing it on only 6 people? Heck no. And yet we are being asked to do essentially the same thing- to spend billions of dollars and drastically change our way of life based on results reached on far too little data.

Let me say right now that I do agree that the climate is changing. The climate is always changing- always has, always will. I also agree that we should reduce our use of fossil fuels. Above all, I believe that we should treat the Earth with respect.

I'm just annoyed with society putting more faith in the opinions of politicians and celebrities than real scientists. Al Gore made a movie, so it must all be true, right?

Most recently, I heard a report on the news about a statement made in a blog by the Weather Channel's climate expert, Heidi Cullen, in which she says that meteorologists who do not believe global warming is man-made should have their AMS certification revoked. "If a meteorologist can't speak to the fundamental science of climate change, then maybe the AMS shouldn't give them a Seal of Approval." (You can read the whole thing here: http://climate.weather.com/blog/9_11396.html)

It brings Galileo to mind, put under house-arrest for suggesting that the Earth wasn't the center of the universe. I thought we were past that kind of censorship in the science community, at least. Apparently not.

More Boring Stuff

One more week. (I think.) The people at work haven't really indicated how much longer the job will last. It was supposed to be a three-week-ish thing, and this is week three, so... this is my last week...maybe???

I'm enjoying the experience, but I'm getting worn out. Super-early Monday mornings suck, especially this morning. I couldn't fall asleep last night- couldn't turn my brain off- and then when I did get to sleep, I woke up about every fifteen minutes... bad dreams.

Last night, I had mini-nightmares about people attacking me. The night before, I dreamed that I was directing a Star Wars spinoff movie, and fired my whole miniatures department. The Sith Temple that they constructed was terrible. I fired one of the writers too.

I'm stressing out even while I sleep...

More Drama

If my goal was to make this one of the worst weeks of my life, then I am succeeding.

I had to drive back downstate early this morning after going north for the hearing. No big deal- the weather wasn't great and I don't like getting up early, but I'm getting used to both.

About an hour from home, the visibility started to get very bad. Two trucks passed me at the same time, blowing so much snow in front of me, I couldn't see anything at all. I tried to drive as straight as possible, slowing down and breaking. Unfortunately, the road didn't go straight- the road went left, an exit went right, and I was in the middle. By the time I could see again, I was headed for the exit sign. I swerved to miss it, which made me spin out and end up in the ditch.

Luckily, my car wasn't hurt at all. I have a little whiplash, but other than that, I'm fine. My insurance covers towing, so really, nothing that bad happened.

But still.

Two Weeks

Well, today ranks pretty high up on my list of "worst days ever".

The hearing was today. It was hard to sit there and listen to all of the lies. I'm praying that the judge saw through it. The case seems so incredibly obvious... but just because something is "right" doesn't mean that it will be upheld by the law. I'm getting used to injustice, even expecting it... this is going to be a close call.

I will get the judgement in the mail in a few weeks. I thought this was all going to be over today, and it isn't.

And there are still appeals left. This isn't the end by a long shot.

I never imagined that my life could ever get so messed-up and stressful. I've learned that people can be really crappy sometimes. Did I have to learn that so soon?

I'm trying to keep my sense of humor about everything- and I keep thinking of lines from "Two Weeks Notice". When I couldn't get a job because of my bad reference, I kept thinking:

Lucy: You called everyone but Slurpee Heaven.
George: That is not true. I did call Slurpee Heaven. They didn't want you. Heard you had attitude. Said you weren't "Slurpee" material.

And last night, when I was so engrossed in thinking about my case that I forgot to wash the shampoo out of my hair:

George, I have an ulcer, I don't sleep well, mostly because you keep calling me in the middle of the night, and if you don't call me I dream that you're gonna call me. I think about you in the shower...not in a good way, but in an I'm-so-distracted-I-can't-remember-if-I-washed-my-hair kinda way - so I'll wash my hair twice! So I have a hole in my stomach, I'm running out of shampoo and today is the first day in my life that I did not give a thousand percent on the job. And I hate that feeling.

Ha. I'm trying to be positive and tell myself that this is exactly the kind of situation that makes a person rise up, write a book, and sell it on Oprah.

Bordom + Depression = Lines From Sci-Fi & Fantasy Movies?

Living out of a suitcase continues.

I've seen a lot of movies and documentaries. I've surfed half of the internet. I've had plenty of time to think... and what have I accomplished? Nothing.

Despite having nothing to do and no one to talk to, I can't seem to focus on anything. I'm hoping my attention deficit changes after Wednesday. ...A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind. Something draws near. I can feel it. :)

I just want all of the present uncertainty to be over. I want to know what will happen- with all of my many issues- for better or for worse. It's the waiting, the not knowing. I'm losing my sanity, my hair is turning grey, and I'm getting a permanent furrow in my brow.

I just have to make it to Wednesday afternoon. I can do that.

Then I just have to make it to the Friday after next. I can do that.

Then I will cry a little. Then I will sleep.

For now, I'm going to continue watching the Star Wars marathon, and imagine myself in a galaxy far, far away.

God Bless Giftcards

For Christmas, my brother and sister-in-law gave me (in addition to my regular gift) an Old Navy gift card. They normally don't take the gift-cart easy out, but I haven't done much shopping since early last year (before my car died), so they thought it would be nice to let me pick some things out for myself.

Life got pretty busy in early January, so I never had a chance to spend my card... until today! ...Let's just say that the sales were AMAZING!

For $30, I got: TEN shirts, one pair of pants, and a belt. Do the math- that comes to just a little over $2 per item! All of the things I picked were marked down on clearance, plus an extra 30% off. One of my shirts- a 3/4 length sleeve polo came to ... $0.68! (How is that even possible?)

The cashier and I were laughing our heads off while she rang everything up. Crazy, huh?

Yawn.

It's been a pretty weird week. Last Friday, I started working a temp job downstate. Right now, I'm sitting in a crappy hotel, watching "Back to the Future III".

The job is pretty mundane, but it pays well. I don't have anyone to talk to, but I'm getting a lot of freelance work done at night.

It's funny, a few months ago, I would have been really excited to be working this job, in this city. But now...

I guess I'm sorting out my priorities.

Four days down, eleven to go. I'm so freakin' bored.

Whew!

A lot has happened in the last few days! Basically, I accepted a temp. job and will be downstate, living out of a hotel for the next few weeks. I'm not sure if there will be internet access or not, so this may get updated, it may not. I leave at 6:00am tomorrow morning. Wish me luck! I'll be back in about three weeks!

One Winged Angel

My true colors are showing themselves again... I really do suck at consistently blogging.

Again, I have a stellar excuse!

Last night, I finally finished FFVII. (I know, I know.) The Secret Brotherhood of Geeks wouldn't let me continue my membership until I played it. Ha. It was just one of "those" things. When it first came out (in 1998!), my brother bought the PC version. I didn't own my own PC yet, so I could only play when he wasn't using his (which happened rarely). I didn't get around to it... then 8 and 9 came out- and I played those first. Before I knew it, years had gone by, and the game wasn't compatible with later versions of Windows. Not that long ago, I pulled it out again- and wondered if anyone had made a good patch for XP. Luckily, there is a pretty good patch- not perfect- but not too bad. It frequently stalled, and I could only get my level 1 limit breaks- but I got through it!

Now that I'm done, I'm supposed to say that it was the best game I've ever played, right? Well, I still like 6 better. And Chrono Trigger. Sephiroth is pretty bad-ass, but my heart belongs to Magus.

Anyway, once I get around to playing 12, I'll have virtually every Final Fantasy under my belt (except 10-2, which I REFUSE to waste my time on!).

Ramblin' Woman

I knew that my faithful little run of daily entries wasn't going to last very long. I suppose that missing one day isn't so bad (especially since I don't have anything interesting to report!) but, well, you know. I was actually beginning to impress myself.

In my own defense, I spent what would normally have been my blog time trying to plan my future.

I'm a little bit OCD when it comes to making lists. Whenever I'm feeling particularly lost, I grab a pen, paper, and start listing things. I actually have a little book that contains nothing but lists. Lists of things to do. Lists of books to read. Lists of movies to rent. Nothing in this world gives me more pleasure than checking something off. It gives me an incredible sense of accomplishment. Sometimes I even add things to my list that I've already done, just so I can cross them off! (Crazy, I know.) Fifty years from now, you will find me sitting on a park bench, covered in birds, reciting the yellow pages.

I should surf some mental health websites. Compulsive list-making HAS to be an early warning sign of a dissociative disorder.

Anyway, I spent yesterday afternoon going over my finances and brainstorming ways to accomplish goals, make more money, etc. I made lots and lots of lists, then got a phone call from brother. I guess my love for pizza and movies is stronger than my little psychoses.

That's just my really long way of saying that I blew off my blog. Oh well. :)

New Website?

The new year always makes me feel more active. I've started working on a new version of my personal website. I started it back up last year (when I began looking for a new job) so that I could keep my portfolio online- my work portfolio has a lot of personal information and was never intended for public viewing- it can't really be found unless you know the specific address. I figured that I may as well put something up at the home page since I was paying for it anyway... but it was thrown together and generally sucks. I've been wanting to make a nicer site, but haven't had the time or ambition to do anything about it. I'm finally in the mood to make a halfway decent website, so as soon as I finish and have it up, I will post a message. In the meantime, feel free to laugh and point.

Book List 2007!

I did a really crappy job on last year's reading list. I only finished 20 of the 50-some books I intended to read. Oh well! I'll be realistic this year!

MY 2007 READING LIST!

1. Madame Bovary
2. The Art of Deception
3. Anna Karenina
4. Schindler's List
5. The Brothers Karamazov
6. Angela's Ashes
7. 1984
8. Hearts In Atlantis
9. Crime & Punishment
10. Complete Works of Flaubert
11. The Scarlet Letter
12. House of Sand and Fog
13. LOTR (again!)
14. The Stand
15. Cleopatra
16. A Beautiful Mind
17. Comedies of Moliere
18. Best Known Works, Voltaire
19. The Wayward Bus
20. The Last Days of Pompeii

I have a nasty habit of starting books, putting them down halfway through and picking something else up. I've read at least half of about half the books I listed. Ha... I'm taking it easy on myself this year!

Surreal.

I applied at my local school system to be a substitute teacher today... I just need to get fingerprinted now, and then I'll start working again! It's going to feel weird to have places to be. For all intents and purposes, I've been a stay-at-home mom for the last six months. Can I confess that I'm a little scared to go back to the workplace? I just hope that the kids don't eat me alive. Teaching has never exactly been my "dream"...

I suppose it will do while I work at getting a better job. (Keeping my fingers crossed for one in particular!) Right now, I only care about paying my bills and surviving the next two or three months.

Good Intentions

I'm trying to be better about writing in my blog this year. (Ha... This is going to last less than a week, mark my words!)

Not much is going on in my life right now. I'm going to get an application to substitute teach tomorrow! I'm signing up for the high school. God help me. :) I only need to work 10 or 11 days each month in order to pay my bills, so as long as they call me in a couple times a week, I should be ok. I don't know how this is all going to work out. Bleh.

I'm thinking that I should start working on some vector illustrations to sell as stock too. That won't bring in much money, but I'll welcome anything I can get.

I hate being poor. I really, really hate it. It seems like my situation never gets any better. Something always happens. If I reach a point where I can comfortably pay for things, invariably, my car will break down, I'll get a cavity, come down with pneumonia...

I don't want to be rich or anything... I'd just like to get a little bit ahead. Or even spurge and get myself health insurance!

Huh. OR I should get my butt back in action and finish up the book I started. Christmas has a way of distracting me from doing what I should.

Let Love In

I've been playing my new Goo Goo Dolls album constantly since Christmas (thanks, Karen!). I'm particularly addicted to the titular track. Is that because it's catchy or because I see something of myself in the lyrics? I don't know. After the crappiness that was 2006, I'm ready for a fresh start, and to let love in! Happy New Year!

You wait,
Wanting this world to let you in
And you stand there,
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets

And you smile,
Hiding behind a God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all I need to see

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in

And now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

I wish,
Wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on
For all you need
That's all we need to say

I'll take my chances while
You take your time with this game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in

And now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love in

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in

And now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in