One more week. (I think.) The people at work haven't really indicated how much longer the job will last. It was supposed to be a three-week-ish thing, and this is week three, so... this is my last week...maybe???
I'm enjoying the experience, but I'm getting worn out. Super-early Monday mornings suck, especially this morning. I couldn't fall asleep last night- couldn't turn my brain off- and then when I did get to sleep, I woke up about every fifteen minutes... bad dreams.
Last night, I had mini-nightmares about people attacking me. The night before, I dreamed that I was directing a Star Wars spinoff movie, and fired my whole miniatures department. The Sith Temple that they constructed was terrible. I fired one of the writers too.
I'm stressing out even while I sleep...
Monday, January 29, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
More Drama
If my goal was to make this one of the worst weeks of my life, then I am succeeding.
I had to drive back downstate early this morning after going north for the hearing. No big deal- the weather wasn't great and I don't like getting up early, but I'm getting used to both.
About an hour from home, the visibility started to get very bad. Two trucks passed me at the same time, blowing so much snow in front of me, I couldn't see anything at all. I tried to drive as straight as possible, slowing down and breaking. Unfortunately, the road didn't go straight- the road went left, an exit went right, and I was in the middle. By the time I could see again, I was headed for the exit sign. I swerved to miss it, which made me spin out and end up in the ditch.
Luckily, my car wasn't hurt at all. I have a little whiplash, but other than that, I'm fine. My insurance covers towing, so really, nothing that bad happened.
But still.
I had to drive back downstate early this morning after going north for the hearing. No big deal- the weather wasn't great and I don't like getting up early, but I'm getting used to both.
About an hour from home, the visibility started to get very bad. Two trucks passed me at the same time, blowing so much snow in front of me, I couldn't see anything at all. I tried to drive as straight as possible, slowing down and breaking. Unfortunately, the road didn't go straight- the road went left, an exit went right, and I was in the middle. By the time I could see again, I was headed for the exit sign. I swerved to miss it, which made me spin out and end up in the ditch.
Luckily, my car wasn't hurt at all. I have a little whiplash, but other than that, I'm fine. My insurance covers towing, so really, nothing that bad happened.
But still.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Two Weeks
Well, today ranks pretty high up on my list of "worst days ever".
The hearing was today. It was hard to sit there and listen to all of the lies. I'm praying that the judge saw through it. The case seems so incredibly obvious... but just because something is "right" doesn't mean that it will be upheld by the law. I'm getting used to injustice, even expecting it... this is going to be a close call.
I will get the judgement in the mail in a few weeks. I thought this was all going to be over today, and it isn't.
And there are still appeals left. This isn't the end by a long shot.
I never imagined that my life could ever get so messed-up and stressful. I've learned that people can be really crappy sometimes. Did I have to learn that so soon?
I'm trying to keep my sense of humor about everything- and I keep thinking of lines from "Two Weeks Notice". When I couldn't get a job because of my bad reference, I kept thinking:
Lucy: You called everyone but Slurpee Heaven.
George: That is not true. I did call Slurpee Heaven. They didn't want you. Heard you had attitude. Said you weren't "Slurpee" material.
And last night, when I was so engrossed in thinking about my case that I forgot to wash the shampoo out of my hair:
George, I have an ulcer, I don't sleep well, mostly because you keep calling me in the middle of the night, and if you don't call me I dream that you're gonna call me. I think about you in the shower...not in a good way, but in an I'm-so-distracted-I-can't-remember-if-I-washed-my-hair kinda way - so I'll wash my hair twice! So I have a hole in my stomach, I'm running out of shampoo and today is the first day in my life that I did not give a thousand percent on the job. And I hate that feeling.
Ha. I'm trying to be positive and tell myself that this is exactly the kind of situation that makes a person rise up, write a book, and sell it on Oprah.
The hearing was today. It was hard to sit there and listen to all of the lies. I'm praying that the judge saw through it. The case seems so incredibly obvious... but just because something is "right" doesn't mean that it will be upheld by the law. I'm getting used to injustice, even expecting it... this is going to be a close call.
I will get the judgement in the mail in a few weeks. I thought this was all going to be over today, and it isn't.
And there are still appeals left. This isn't the end by a long shot.
I never imagined that my life could ever get so messed-up and stressful. I've learned that people can be really crappy sometimes. Did I have to learn that so soon?
I'm trying to keep my sense of humor about everything- and I keep thinking of lines from "Two Weeks Notice". When I couldn't get a job because of my bad reference, I kept thinking:
Lucy: You called everyone but Slurpee Heaven.
George: That is not true. I did call Slurpee Heaven. They didn't want you. Heard you had attitude. Said you weren't "Slurpee" material.
And last night, when I was so engrossed in thinking about my case that I forgot to wash the shampoo out of my hair:
George, I have an ulcer, I don't sleep well, mostly because you keep calling me in the middle of the night, and if you don't call me I dream that you're gonna call me. I think about you in the shower...not in a good way, but in an I'm-so-distracted-I-can't-remember-if-I-washed-my-hair kinda way - so I'll wash my hair twice! So I have a hole in my stomach, I'm running out of shampoo and today is the first day in my life that I did not give a thousand percent on the job. And I hate that feeling.
Ha. I'm trying to be positive and tell myself that this is exactly the kind of situation that makes a person rise up, write a book, and sell it on Oprah.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Bordom + Depression = Lines From Sci-Fi & Fantasy Movies?
Living out of a suitcase continues.
I've seen a lot of movies and documentaries. I've surfed half of the internet. I've had plenty of time to think... and what have I accomplished? Nothing.
Despite having nothing to do and no one to talk to, I can't seem to focus on anything. I'm hoping my attention deficit changes after Wednesday. ...A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind. Something draws near. I can feel it. :)
I just want all of the present uncertainty to be over. I want to know what will happen- with all of my many issues- for better or for worse. It's the waiting, the not knowing. I'm losing my sanity, my hair is turning grey, and I'm getting a permanent furrow in my brow.
I just have to make it to Wednesday afternoon. I can do that.
Then I just have to make it to the Friday after next. I can do that.
Then I will cry a little. Then I will sleep.
For now, I'm going to continue watching the Star Wars marathon, and imagine myself in a galaxy far, far away.
I've seen a lot of movies and documentaries. I've surfed half of the internet. I've had plenty of time to think... and what have I accomplished? Nothing.
Despite having nothing to do and no one to talk to, I can't seem to focus on anything. I'm hoping my attention deficit changes after Wednesday. ...A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind. Something draws near. I can feel it. :)
I just want all of the present uncertainty to be over. I want to know what will happen- with all of my many issues- for better or for worse. It's the waiting, the not knowing. I'm losing my sanity, my hair is turning grey, and I'm getting a permanent furrow in my brow.
I just have to make it to Wednesday afternoon. I can do that.
Then I just have to make it to the Friday after next. I can do that.
Then I will cry a little. Then I will sleep.
For now, I'm going to continue watching the Star Wars marathon, and imagine myself in a galaxy far, far away.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
God Bless Giftcards
For Christmas, my brother and sister-in-law gave me (in addition to my regular gift) an Old Navy gift card. They normally don't take the gift-cart easy out, but I haven't done much shopping since early last year (before my car died), so they thought it would be nice to let me pick some things out for myself.
Life got pretty busy in early January, so I never had a chance to spend my card... until today! ...Let's just say that the sales were AMAZING!
For $30, I got: TEN shirts, one pair of pants, and a belt. Do the math- that comes to just a little over $2 per item! All of the things I picked were marked down on clearance, plus an extra 30% off. One of my shirts- a 3/4 length sleeve polo came to ... $0.68! (How is that even possible?)
The cashier and I were laughing our heads off while she rang everything up. Crazy, huh?
Life got pretty busy in early January, so I never had a chance to spend my card... until today! ...Let's just say that the sales were AMAZING!
For $30, I got: TEN shirts, one pair of pants, and a belt. Do the math- that comes to just a little over $2 per item! All of the things I picked were marked down on clearance, plus an extra 30% off. One of my shirts- a 3/4 length sleeve polo came to ... $0.68! (How is that even possible?)
The cashier and I were laughing our heads off while she rang everything up. Crazy, huh?
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Yawn.
It's been a pretty weird week. Last Friday, I started working a temp job downstate. Right now, I'm sitting in a crappy hotel, watching "Back to the Future III".
The job is pretty mundane, but it pays well. I don't have anyone to talk to, but I'm getting a lot of freelance work done at night.
It's funny, a few months ago, I would have been really excited to be working this job, in this city. But now...
I guess I'm sorting out my priorities.
Four days down, eleven to go. I'm so freakin' bored.
The job is pretty mundane, but it pays well. I don't have anyone to talk to, but I'm getting a lot of freelance work done at night.
It's funny, a few months ago, I would have been really excited to be working this job, in this city. But now...
I guess I'm sorting out my priorities.
Four days down, eleven to go. I'm so freakin' bored.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Whew!
A lot has happened in the last few days! Basically, I accepted a temp. job and will be downstate, living out of a hotel for the next few weeks. I'm not sure if there will be internet access or not, so this may get updated, it may not. I leave at 6:00am tomorrow morning. Wish me luck! I'll be back in about three weeks!
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
One Winged Angel
My true colors are showing themselves again... I really do suck at consistently blogging.
Again, I have a stellar excuse!
Last night, I finally finished FFVII. (I know, I know.) The Secret Brotherhood of Geeks wouldn't let me continue my membership until I played it. Ha. It was just one of "those" things. When it first came out (in 1998!), my brother bought the PC version. I didn't own my own PC yet, so I could only play when he wasn't using his (which happened rarely). I didn't get around to it... then 8 and 9 came out- and I played those first. Before I knew it, years had gone by, and the game wasn't compatible with later versions of Windows. Not that long ago, I pulled it out again- and wondered if anyone had made a good patch for XP. Luckily, there is a pretty good patch- not perfect- but not too bad. It frequently stalled, and I could only get my level 1 limit breaks- but I got through it!
Now that I'm done, I'm supposed to say that it was the best game I've ever played, right? Well, I still like 6 better. And Chrono Trigger. Sephiroth is pretty bad-ass, but my heart belongs to Magus.
Anyway, once I get around to playing 12, I'll have virtually every Final Fantasy under my belt (except 10-2, which I REFUSE to waste my time on!).
Again, I have a stellar excuse!
Last night, I finally finished FFVII. (I know, I know.) The Secret Brotherhood of Geeks wouldn't let me continue my membership until I played it. Ha. It was just one of "those" things. When it first came out (in 1998!), my brother bought the PC version. I didn't own my own PC yet, so I could only play when he wasn't using his (which happened rarely). I didn't get around to it... then 8 and 9 came out- and I played those first. Before I knew it, years had gone by, and the game wasn't compatible with later versions of Windows. Not that long ago, I pulled it out again- and wondered if anyone had made a good patch for XP. Luckily, there is a pretty good patch- not perfect- but not too bad. It frequently stalled, and I could only get my level 1 limit breaks- but I got through it!
Now that I'm done, I'm supposed to say that it was the best game I've ever played, right? Well, I still like 6 better. And Chrono Trigger. Sephiroth is pretty bad-ass, but my heart belongs to Magus.
Anyway, once I get around to playing 12, I'll have virtually every Final Fantasy under my belt (except 10-2, which I REFUSE to waste my time on!).
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Ramblin' Woman
I knew that my faithful little run of daily entries wasn't going to last very long. I suppose that missing one day isn't so bad (especially since I don't have anything interesting to report!) but, well, you know. I was actually beginning to impress myself.
In my own defense, I spent what would normally have been my blog time trying to plan my future.
I'm a little bit OCD when it comes to making lists. Whenever I'm feeling particularly lost, I grab a pen, paper, and start listing things. I actually have a little book that contains nothing but lists. Lists of things to do. Lists of books to read. Lists of movies to rent. Nothing in this world gives me more pleasure than checking something off. It gives me an incredible sense of accomplishment. Sometimes I even add things to my list that I've already done, just so I can cross them off! (Crazy, I know.) Fifty years from now, you will find me sitting on a park bench, covered in birds, reciting the yellow pages.
I should surf some mental health websites. Compulsive list-making HAS to be an early warning sign of a dissociative disorder.
Anyway, I spent yesterday afternoon going over my finances and brainstorming ways to accomplish goals, make more money, etc. I made lots and lots of lists, then got a phone call from brother. I guess my love for pizza and movies is stronger than my little psychoses.
That's just my really long way of saying that I blew off my blog. Oh well. :)
In my own defense, I spent what would normally have been my blog time trying to plan my future.
I'm a little bit OCD when it comes to making lists. Whenever I'm feeling particularly lost, I grab a pen, paper, and start listing things. I actually have a little book that contains nothing but lists. Lists of things to do. Lists of books to read. Lists of movies to rent. Nothing in this world gives me more pleasure than checking something off. It gives me an incredible sense of accomplishment. Sometimes I even add things to my list that I've already done, just so I can cross them off! (Crazy, I know.) Fifty years from now, you will find me sitting on a park bench, covered in birds, reciting the yellow pages.
I should surf some mental health websites. Compulsive list-making HAS to be an early warning sign of a dissociative disorder.
Anyway, I spent yesterday afternoon going over my finances and brainstorming ways to accomplish goals, make more money, etc. I made lots and lots of lists, then got a phone call from brother. I guess my love for pizza and movies is stronger than my little psychoses.
That's just my really long way of saying that I blew off my blog. Oh well. :)
Friday, January 05, 2007
New Website?
The new year always makes me feel more active. I've started working on a new version of my personal website. I started it back up last year (when I began looking for a new job) so that I could keep my portfolio online- my work portfolio has a lot of personal information and was never intended for public viewing- it can't really be found unless you know the specific address. I figured that I may as well put something up at the home page since I was paying for it anyway... but it was thrown together and generally sucks. I've been wanting to make a nicer site, but haven't had the time or ambition to do anything about it. I'm finally in the mood to make a halfway decent website, so as soon as I finish and have it up, I will post a message. In the meantime, feel free to laugh and point.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Book List 2007!
I did a really crappy job on last year's reading list. I only finished 20 of the 50-some books I intended to read. Oh well! I'll be realistic this year!
MY 2007 READING LIST!
MY 2007 READING LIST!
- Madame Bovary
- The Art of Deception
- Anna Karenina
- Schindler's List
- The Brothers Karamazov
- Angela's Ashes
- 1984
- Hearts In Atlantis
- Crime & Punishment
- Complete Works of Flaubert
- The Scarlet Letter
- House of Sand and Fog
- LOTR (again!)
- The Stand
- Cleopatra
- A Beautiful Mind
- Comedies of Moliere
- Best Known Works, Voltaire
- The Wayward Bus
- The Last Days of Pompeii
I have a nasty habit of starting books, putting them down halfway through and picking something else up. I've read at least half of about half the books I listed. Ha... I'm taking it easy on myself this year!
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Surreal.
I applied at my local school system to be a substitute teacher today... I just need to get fingerprinted now, and then I'll start working again! It's going to feel weird to have places to be. For all intents and purposes, I've been a stay-at-home mom for the last six months. Can I confess that I'm a little scared to go back to the workplace? I just hope that the kids don't eat me alive. Teaching has never exactly been my "dream"...
I suppose it will do while I work at getting a better job. (Keeping my fingers crossed for one in particular!) Right now, I only care about paying my bills and surviving the next two or three months.
I suppose it will do while I work at getting a better job. (Keeping my fingers crossed for one in particular!) Right now, I only care about paying my bills and surviving the next two or three months.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Good Intentions
I'm trying to be better about writing in my blog this year. (Ha... This is going to last less than a week, mark my words!)
Not much is going on in my life right now. I'm going to get an application to substitute teach tomorrow! I'm signing up for the high school. God help me. :) I only need to work 10 or 11 days each month in order to pay my bills, so as long as they call me in a couple times a week, I should be ok. I don't know how this is all going to work out. Bleh.
I'm thinking that I should start working on some vector illustrations to sell as stock too. That won't bring in much money, but I'll welcome anything I can get.
I hate being poor. I really, really hate it. It seems like my situation never gets any better. Something always happens. If I reach a point where I can comfortably pay for things, invariably, my car will break down, I'll get a cavity, come down with pneumonia...
I don't want to be rich or anything... I'd just like to get a little bit ahead. Or even spurge and get myself health insurance!
Huh. OR I should get my butt back in action and finish up the book I started. Christmas has a way of distracting me from doing what I should.
Not much is going on in my life right now. I'm going to get an application to substitute teach tomorrow! I'm signing up for the high school. God help me. :) I only need to work 10 or 11 days each month in order to pay my bills, so as long as they call me in a couple times a week, I should be ok. I don't know how this is all going to work out. Bleh.
I'm thinking that I should start working on some vector illustrations to sell as stock too. That won't bring in much money, but I'll welcome anything I can get.
I hate being poor. I really, really hate it. It seems like my situation never gets any better. Something always happens. If I reach a point where I can comfortably pay for things, invariably, my car will break down, I'll get a cavity, come down with pneumonia...
I don't want to be rich or anything... I'd just like to get a little bit ahead. Or even spurge and get myself health insurance!
Huh. OR I should get my butt back in action and finish up the book I started. Christmas has a way of distracting me from doing what I should.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Let Love In
I've been playing my new Goo Goo Dolls album constantly since Christmas (thanks, Karen!). I'm particularly addicted to the titular track. Is that because it's catchy or because I see something of myself in the lyrics? I don't know. After the crappiness that was 2006, I'm ready for a fresh start, and to let love in! Happy New Year!
You wait,
Wanting this world to let you in
And you stand there,
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
And you smile,
Hiding behind a God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all I need to see
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
And now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
I wish,
Wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on
For all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with this game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
And now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love in
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
And now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
You wait,
Wanting this world to let you in
And you stand there,
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
And you smile,
Hiding behind a God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all I need to see
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
And now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
I wish,
Wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on
For all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with this game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
And now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love in
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
And now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
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