Am I So Unloveable?

Grrr. I had a really crappy day.

Around 3:00, I was sent downstairs to work quietly ( meaning "pretend I don't exist") for the duration of a meeting with an important client. The lighting downstairs absolutely sucks. You can see your reflection in the monitors better than what's on the screen, so I usually turn the lights off when I'm working there. My boss' wife keeps turning the lights back on the second I turn them off. The third time it happens, I start to say "Actually, I'd prefer to have the lights off- I can't see well..." But she starts to scream at me before I even finish. Apparently, the DOG might want to come downstairs and I HAVE to leave them on in case it does. (Because the dog's desire to float around the business is more important than my needing to work.)

I sat down and cried. No sobbing... no one heard or noticed, just a few quiet tears. I shouldn't have, the situation didn't deserve that kind of response, but I did it anyway. I was already feeling bad about myself, and hearing that the dog's needs outweigh mine was about the last thing I needed.

Over the last few days, I've come to realize how many of my friends were merely "friends of convenience" or "friends by association"... and how few actually liked me. I've been looking back at certain times of my life and feeling like so much of it was a lie. Ugh. And now even the damn dog is higher than me on the totem pole.